Myjellybean.com

Dear Jellybean,

My parents are super over-protective. They always come in and pick me up from parties at like nine o'clock. I really want more freedom.

I don't get why they wont let me stay out late, even if I have my phone. They say I'm too young do almost everything.

-Anonymous

Dear Writer,

The fact is, there may not be much you can do to change your parents. Your mom and dad love you, and worry about you - not just what mistakes you could make, but what weirdos are lurking out there, ready to prey upon their innocent daughter. Their job has always been to keep you safe in the world, and now that you're a teenager, they are taking this mission even more seriously.

There are some strategies you can attempt, to encourage your parents to give you more freedom. But if they're set on protecting you, know that it might be an uphill battle. In any case, here are a couple of things you can try.

First, know that communication is your friend. Before you even try convincing your folks to let you do more stuff, you need to build up a good talking relationship with them. This means telling them about your day, saying more than just "fine" when they ask you "how was school", and generally keeping a regular conversation going on with them about your life, so they feel included and not like they're missing out on any secrets. Spend time with your parents voluntarily, like on weekends, and act like you're having a good time. Build up the parent-kid bond.

Next, be a responsible member of your family. You want your parents to treat you as more of an adult, so do your best to act like one. Clean your own room, do your chores without being nagged, set the table for dinner, stick to the house rules, come home when you said you would, don't throw temper tantrums when you don't get your way, and so on. Show your parents - instead of just telling them - that you are grown-up and reliable. This can go a long way toward helping them see you can handle more responsibility, and freedom too.

If there's something specific you want to do, like stay later at a friend's party, talk to your parents about it in advance, instead of waiting until the night of the event (or calling from her house). If you sense that one of your parents is a bit more lenient than the other, talk to that one alone, and see if you can bring them to your point of view. If you succeed in convincing your mom, for example, she could be able to talk your dad into letting you stay an hour later than usual.

That's another important point - start small with your requests. If you want to be able to go more places, and stay for longer, start asking to do small things first, like walking to school or going to the store alone. Even offer to run an errand for your mom, and go to the store alone, when she would normally go with you - and make it like you're doing her a big favor. If you can build up their trust in little ways, eventually they may trust you enough to let you do the bigger things you want to do.

Whatever you do, don't lie to your parents, sneak around behind their backs, or throw fits when they say no. This will only make them see you as immature, and destroy all the work you did earning their trust. Do your best to be patient, and know their attitudes are not going to change overnight. Slowly build up their trust, and hopefully, they will slowly become more comfortable with giving you some of the freedom you crave.