Everyone feels shy sometimes. But being too shy can shut you off from a lot of fun. If you're bashful by nature, follow these steps to start coming out of your shell.
As in, why are you so shy? Everyone has a different reason. For example, you might be scared of what someone might say about your physical appearance. Or maybe you don't think people want to hear what you have to say. Try to pinpiont whatever the fear is that's keeping you so quiet.
To start becoming less shy, trying acting as if you're not shy. Sound impossible? Start by 'flying solo'. In private, behave as if you have total confidence. Hold your chin up, add a strut to your walk and speak firmly. It may seem ridiculous, but do this enough in your mirror, and you will start to see results when you're out in public.
Confident people look at others and present a friendly face. Practice making eye contact and smiling in your interactions with others. Try saying "hi" (remember, smile!) to one new person a day. Once you've got the hang of this simple greeting, move on to the next step. Strike up casual conversations with classmates (or even store clerks and waiters) about the weather or current events.
Look your best. One way to improve self-consciousness is to make an effort to look your best. This not only helps you to feel more confident, it limits the ways you can be self-critical. Looking your best is not about piling on the makeup or buying expensive clothes. It's simply making sure you look neat, and putting some effort into how you present yourself to others.
No, we're not telling you to be negative. You can actually lower your fear of social rejection by imagining the worst possible outcome. If you approach someone, what's the worst they could happen? They could say "go away" or they may just walk away. That isn't really such a big deal when you think about it. Absolutely everybody has been rejected at some point, but no one has to dwell on it. Plus, reality is likely to be better than your imagination!
Watching friends - or even strangers - who aren't shy is a good way to learn some social skills first-hand. Check out how the outgoing people relate to others. Are they smiling a lot, asking questions, standing with a confident posture? You can pick up a lot of tips just from observing.
Shy people often talk to themselves in their heads, when they're in certain situations. For instance, you walk into a room, and you think to yourself, "Nobody here likes me, I can't talk to them." If you do this, catch yourself and correct the thought. Say to yourself (silently of course), "Stop talking to yourself. Focus on talking to others instead."
With very few exceptions, even the most outgoing people feel a little uncomfortable around people they don't know. You can use this trick to turn around your shyness! If you are talking to someone who doesn't know you well, focus on making THEM feel more at ease. Smile, act friendly, and they will pick up on your tone, and probably act friendly in return.
If you've been burned by friends in the past, it's normal to be a little shy about making new ones. But if you are in a group of people, and you're thinking about how you got treated by another group of people, you're shutting yourself off from reality, and you're not going to interact very well. Give new people a chance to impress you better. After all, you want a chance to make an impression on them too.
Don't make a huge deal out of all this. Feel positive about yourself, don't get frustrated and have fun learning to speak up more. Above all, stay true to yourself and don't change to suit other people. Remember, the real goal is to find friends who will like you for who you are.