Myjellybean.com

Dear Jellybean,

You've probably heard the story a million times before: boy meets girl, boy and girl become best friends, boy and girl fall in love. Well, that was my story until about a few weeks ago. Me and my best guy friend were very close. We told each other everything. One day, we admitted that we had feelings for each other and so we decided to go out. When we were going out, and it was amazing. We had great times together, and it seemed as if it would last forever. We had been through so much together and everyone now tells me that they had never seen either of us happier.

But then...something happened. We broke up. He told me he had feelings for another girl. OK, I dealt with that. I don't hate him for it, I respect how he feels and I don't hold it against him. Everything is practically back to normal, except for two problems:

1. You know when people are scared to go out because they're afraid it will ruin their friendship after they break up? Yeah, that's exactly what happened to me. We agreed that we should definitiely go back to being friends, we still talk a lot every day, we make each other laugh, but I can't help but feel like there's something missing. No, I'm not talking about me missing holding his hand or anything. I'm talking about a brick wall of awkwardness that is keeping us from the friendhsip we used to have. Maybe it's because we find it hard to trust each other after such a harsh breakup (whenver we talked about it, I never got to say what I was really feeling and so I guess we just sort of left it at that).

2. I still like him. It doesn't kill me that he likes another girl-- sure, it's a little bit discouraging to hear him talk about her, but he usually never does unless somehow I bring it up. I mean, is it wrong that I still have feelings for him? Is it wrong that I believe that the best relationships come from friendships, and so I secretly have a bit of hope that we could get back together if we can be friends again? This girl he likes doesn't like him back-- she likes someone else-- and he knows this. I am not sure how much he really likes her, since they barely talk and all. Oh, and just for the record, I know this because HE told me (like I said, we're still friends), and not because I'm a stalker ex who demands to know every aspect of his personal life.

-Confused Ex

Dear Confused Ex,

It's not wrong to have feelings for your friend/ex. In fact, it's completely natural. So is feeling awkward with each other right after a break-up. This all happened recently - a few weeks isn't a long time - so try to be patient. Hearts take time to heal, and a flame once sparked takes time to fizzle out.

I have a feeling that your relationship didn't end because of a specific person. Yes, your friend/ex started liking someone else, but that probably wouldn't have happened if your romantic relationship was going great. If he felt compelled to look outside it, then maybe you two weren't working so well as a couple, and are destined to be just friends.

If you find it hard to spend a lot of time with your friend right now, do know that it's okay to put some space between you. Sometimes, it helps to spend time with other friends and be reminded of all the other stuff/people in your life, so you're not too focused on just one person/situation. Once you're back on your emotional feet (so to speak) and feeling more normal, you can also add him back into the mix.

Also, if it's difficult for you to hear about this new girl he likes, don't feel like a bad friend. The used-to-be-dating, now-back-to-friends thing can be tricky, and it's okay to change the subject, or be honest that it feels weird to talk about, and ask that you talk about something else. If he respects your feelings, he will understand, and not burden you with the details of his new crush, which is only fair, considering what you used to be to each other.