Myjellybean.com

Dear Heartbroken Girl,

This is a complicated situation. If the girl in question, who tries to hang out with your boyfriend, was just some girl at his school who didn't know you, I would probably tell you that while your jealous feelings were natural, you should trust your boyfriend, and allow him the freedom to choose his own friends, whether they be boys or girls. I would tell you to be on the lookout for any signs that they were getting "too" close, such as him cancelling dates with you to hang with her, or starting to talk about her to you all the time, but I'd say you should let it be.

However... things are not really that simple here, are they? You and this girl had a fight, and that's when she started trying to get close to your boyfriend. I agree with you that this is probably not a coincidence, and part of what this girl is doing, in spending time trying to get close to your guy, is about upsetting you and taking your boyfriend away to get back at you for some perceived thing you did to her.

So, yes, I think it is reasonable for you to upset. I think you should talk to your boyfriend again, telling him some of the above. Explain that you don't want to control who he's friends with, and that you would never tell him to stop being friends with someone he likes. But you can explain that his friendship with this girl is probably going to cause you some anxiety, for the specific reason that you and she don't like each other, and you don't trust her motives completely.

That doesn't mean you should try to end their friendship, though. If it were me, I'd actually try to horn in on it as much as possible. Find out when he's going to be hanging with the guys and her, and make a point of showing up there too. Put your arm around him, sit on his lap, or whatever, and generally make a big show of how close and happy you and your boyfriend are together. At the very least, it will irritate the girl you don't like. And hopefully, it will also send her a signal that you are your boyfriend are just fine, thank you very much, and she's not going to be able to break you up.

One word of warning. If your boyfriend tries to block you from hanging with his group when she's around, that's when it's time to get suspicious. Being friends with a girl is one thing, but needing to see her away from your girlfriend is quite another. If they are really just friends, and there is nothing more than that in his mind, he should be happy to have you in on the fun. If not, I'd think seriously about why you are putting so much work into this relationship. I know you don't want this other girl to "win" - but some prizes are better than others, and more worth having, if you know what I'm saying. Good luck with everything - I hope it works out in a way that's good for you.