Myjellybean.com

Dear Jellybean,

I just started Middle School and ever since I feel left out. None of my friends are in my class and the worst part is that these girls have been bullying me ever since the first day of school. They're always throwing paper at me in class and they make fun of me just because I got a straight A report card, they say I'm ugly (which I'm not) and they say I'm weird because I actually pay attention to the teacher in class in class. I try to ignore it but I don't think I can handle this anymore. They hate me! I'm afraid that if i do tell a teacher and they get punished for it those girls will just make fun of me even more because I told on them. People say that i should fight them, but i'm just not that type of girl who would get in a fight. This has been going on for too long. Can you please help me deal with this.

-M&M

Dear M&M,

I am so sorry that this is your introduction to middle school. Those girls sound just horrible. I'm glad to hear you're not up for fighting - taking this to the physical level would be dangerous - after all, it's all of them against one of you - not to mention foolish, and ill-advised.

Fighting isn't going to fix this problem. But standing up to these girls with words might. You are going to have to fake confidence, and act tough. The idea is to give them the impression that you're not just "theirs" to push around anymore.

So, if they tease you for getting good grades, say, "I'm not ashamed of being smart. Are you ashamed of being stupid?" If they say you're ugly, say, "Look who's talking, big nose" (or whatever) and laugh. If they throw paper, turn to the person next to you, roll your eyes, and say, "They're like monkeys in the zoo. They stink too." Throw their insults back at them, and use your brains to make your words sting. If you make it uncomfortable and embarrassing for them to tease you, they might just give up the effort.

Of course, this is only a good idea if you don't feel physically threatened. If you have gotten any hint that talking back to these girls will lead to a physical altercation, obviously don't do it. In that case, it's completely legitimate - and in fact, the only smart thing to do - to go to the school office, report these girls, explain that you are being harassed and are scared of being beaten up, and get the support that you deserve.

I also suggest that you try to make some allies. If you can find someone else - or even a few someones - to team up with in a friendship ring, it will be easier to cope with the mean girls. Look for other smart people in your class, or people who seem nice. Scan the room when the girls are being mean, and see who looks unimpressed, or even disgusted. Then work on making friends with those people. The more of you there are, the less you'll get picked on, because bullies love an easy target, and it's harder to tease a group of people than to harrass a lone individual. (These girls are such cowards!)