Myjellybean.com

Dear Jellybean,

I am going out with a guy that used to be my best friend. We are really close and completely happy together. Many people at our school make fun of him and say he is gay. I will admit that he is pretty feminine and that if i wasnt going out with him i would probably think he was gay, too. Gay people dont really bother me. In fact, most of my friends are not striaght. I am though, and for some reason, it kind of bothers me that people think my bf is gay. He says that it doesnt bother him, though. He is very mature for his age and sais that if people want to think that then it's their problem and all that's important is that he knows what he is. I know this is true, but for some reason it still bothers me. Im I just being shallow? What should I do? And how should I react when kids ask me if he is gay? I have tried telling them that I was his girlfriend and they laugh and make dirty jokes.

-Krystall

Dear Krystall,

I agree with your boyfriend. If people have nothing better to do than make up false stories, that's their problem. What's important is that he - and you - know that he's interested in being with you.

You're not shallow to be bothered by this - but you are insecure. I think you're worried about what these kids think of you, as well as your boyfriend. If you want them to stop bugging you, you're probably going to have to gain some confidence, and show them you don't care about - or believe - their remarks.

You could do this in a couple of ways. I'm a big form of a "deterrence" strategy against teasing. That means, showing would-be teasers that if they open their mouths, they are going to get teased right back - possibly in a way that embarrasses them in front of their friends. Do this a few times successfully, and they're stop bugging you, if only to not have this happen. An example would be if a guy at school asks you if your boyfriend is gay. You could say loudly (so others could hear), "No, why, are you interested in him? Because I do know some guys who are gay, and I could give you their phone numbers."

Another way to deal with this is to hint at how incredibly happy you are. This will not only make you look more confident, it will effectively shut down the teasers, because they won't get the rise out of you they're looking for. For instance, if someone makes a crack about how gay he is, you just give them a big smile and say, "You are soooo wrong. He is quite the man. If you only knew!" It's all about hinting - and not letting them get to you.

Do remember that by standing up for your boyfriend, and yourself, you are showing your BF major love. You'd want him to do the same for you if the situation was reversed, right? Keep that in mind, and be his defender, as long as you feel he's worth defending.