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| Still Hurting From Past Teasing |
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Dear Girl that Can't Forget,
What an awful experience. I'm so glad to hear that you've changed schools and have gotten away from that jerk.
It is unfortunate - but not unusual - that the words of that one, horrible guy have stayed with you, and are still affecting your self-esteem. Many people struggle into their adulthood with the effects of childhood bullying. So you're super-smart to be asking about how you can move past it, so that doesn't happen to you.
The first thing you need to know, and think about, is that what happened was NOT your fault. The guy who teased you was a horrible person, and that is why he teased you. It did NOT happen because of something about you. He tried to come up with all sorts of bad things to say about you. It was only after he exhausted all his other ideas of teasing you - about your hair, skin, glasses, etc - that he came up with the "retarded" insult. You have to know that you don't really look bad, that you are a good person. You just had the terrible luck to cross paths with an awful, aggressive, miserable person who could only feel good about himself by making someone else feel bad.
Do also know that those people who dropped you, did so for superficial reasons. The lure of popularity has a lot of power over weak minds. It is sad that your friends were more worried about being friendly with popular people, than defending their friend. But that says a lot about who THEY were, and not who YOU are. They were weak and cowardly, and not good friends. You needed support, and were abandoned. They were in the wrong, and you never were.
Going forward, you must decide to take responsibility for your feelings. Decide that only YOU have the power to tell yourself who you are, and what you are all about. Nobody can decide how you feel except for you. When you let others define you, it just gives them total power over how you feel, and makes you into a victim. Refuse to get into that situation ever again, but determining that ONLY you can decide how you see yourself.
It may help you to write out your feelings in a journal. Ask yourself lots of questions about how you are feeling, and write out the answers. You could start with these:
What am I still feeling about that past situation, that is still affecting me today?
How would I like to feel different?
What are some things I can do to feel this new way?
Do I need anyone to help me?
