Myjellybean.com

Dear "Way Too Nice" One,

I want to begin by commending you on your kindness and maturity. You are head-and-shoulders above your friends in having the confidence not to trash-talk someone who is different, just to make herself feel powerful or to fit in with others who are doing so. You're a rare person, and should be very proud of yourself for that.

Because of your inner strength, you have the ability to be a leader in your crowd, if you choose to be one. You are already doing so in a small way, by refusing to gossip about Tina, and by being kind to her. Your behavior is a good example for your friends, but it may not be enough to change their teasing ways. I don't say you can "reform" those who aren't as mature as you, but I am going to suggest a way that you can try to do so - if you decide you are comfortable with it.

The next time you hear someone tearing down "Karen", step in and say something. The best approach is not to lecture them, but to make them feel "uncool" for talking about her constantly.

One way to do this, is to pretend you're bored of always talking about her. You could say, "Guys, I feel like this is all we ever talk about anymore. Can't we find something better to discuss, like..." (fill in the blank here with anything - a hot guy in your class, a TV show you're obsessed with, an upcoming holiday or school event, etc).

If they start talking about "Karen" again, roll your eyes and say something like, "Honestly, I am so bored to death of this subject. Can we please move on?"

You could also take the approach of showing your friends how foolish they're being. You could say, "Hey, I get it, you guys don't like Karen. So how come you talk about her 24/7?"

If you can't get through to them like this, you could also be more straight-forward about how you feel. Take aside one person who seems to be the ringleader for all this gossip (there is usually someone at the center of things in these situations), and have a chat with them. Say, "Listen, Tina may be weird, but she's still a person, and this teasing is getting out of hand. I think we need to leave her alone, before we all get in trouble, or really mess her up."

Being a leader in this way will take great courage - but I think that's something you have already shown. And by standing up for someone who is unable to stand up for herself, you will not only be helping Tina, but you will teach your other friends an important lesson in confidence and compassion.

Good luck - and go forward knowing that if there were more people like you in the world, it would certainly be a nicer place to be. I salute you.