Myjellybean.com

Dear Jellybean,

I am a very active girl. I do yoga, bellydancing, work out at a gym, and I am a black belt in Tae Kwon Do. I always have a lot of energy throughout the day, and I pretty much am the only one in my house who does exercise.

My brother used to go to the gym with me, but he has been so lazy lately that he doesn't do it at all any more and he is really out of shape. My mom has a busy work day, going in at 7 in the morning and not coming home till 4:30pm. I have been trying to get her to exercise, although she did Curves with me a while back, but she quit. I try to get her to the gym, which she NEVER uses, but she is still paying for it. She is ALWAYS exhausted, but I know that she will have a lot more energy if she just exercised a little bit. And don't even get me started about my dad...basically, he hasn't worked out since high school. We tried to sign him up for the gym, but the first time he went, the personal trainer pushed him to hard and his blood pressure went down super low, and he had to go to the hospital. He refuses to go there at all, even if I try to put him on a very low impact tredmill work out. He sits around all day before work and seriously does nothing. The only time he gets up is to go to the bathroom or eat.

Every time I try to ask them (nicely) if they could be more active, they always get offended. And if I ask if we could purchase an exercise machine, they always make up an excuse of why we can't get one. Then it always turns into an argument somehow. But the only real reason I am asking them is because I want them to be happier and healthier, and I really care about them. Eating bad food and no exercise at all is a call for a short lifespan, and I want them to be around for as long as possible, but I just can't persuade them to do anything at all. They have talked to healthcare professionals about this, but they still aren't doing anything, and it stresses me out. They know what they have to do, but they just aren't doing it, and I am scared if something even more major happens to them than what has happened to them in the past. HELP ME PLEASE!!!!

-I don't know what to do anymore

Dear IDKWTDA,

I applaud your commitment to the fit lifestyle! You're a girl after my own heart. I can tell you from experience though, you can give others all the information you have about the benefits of working out, but if they're not willing to do the work, you can't force them.

Being an exercise devotee is sort of like being religious. Just like a religious person, you are free to practice what you believe as much as you want, since it's only affecting you. You can also share your beliefs with others, in the hope that they will experience the happiness that you have found through your way of life. But it is really not okay to try and force people to do what you're doing, or make them feel like bad people for not doing what you do, even if you truly believe that they're on the road to a bad end.

I know you love your parents and want them to be healthier for their own sake, but life is too short for all these arguments with the people you love best. You are very clear about your own approach to life, and your parents are clear about how they prefer to lead their (lazier) way of life. You need to accept that you cannot change that, even by pushing, so you might as well stop, before the stress starts affecting YOUR blood pressure and makes you unhealthy.

Keep setting a great example by being your active self. Encourage small changes, if you are doing it with them, such as taking the stairs instead of an escalator when you're at the mall, or walking to the store a block away instead of taking the car. For every minor activity they do, praise the heck out of them, and tell them how proud you are. But don't be too pushy with them, or act like their nagging conscience. Believe it not, they both have one already, and like most people, they are probably more likely to make changes when it is their own idea, not somebody else's.