Myjellybean.com

Dear Jellybean,

I was wondering if you could help me. Like most teenagers, I rarely get on with my parents, haha. But a lot of the time, (even though I know I am partly to blame) we argue about the most trivial things, and I feel like they're doing it for no reason.

For example, one of which is that they say I don't take pride in m appearance. I feel that this is just not true. In fact, I spend quite a lot of my own money and time on shopping for clothes and other stuff, and I put on make-up each morning. I guess you could say my style is a little off.... I like to wear vintage clothes, shoes, a lot of skirts, but I wouldn't say that it's hugely individual, I just wear what I like because I like it. I can see how they may interpret this as sloppiness, because I don't dress that normally. However, I receive a lot of compliments. Heck, even for my school prom I won the best dressed award!!!!! I have told my friends about the things my parents have been saying, and they are very shocked, since they think (like a lot of people I suppose) that I do take pride in myself.

If I do relax, I relax around the house, and I generally just wear my pjs or a tracksuit, just on days when I'm doing my homework or whatever, and they just say "well... what we see is what we see Jen." I have tried to defend myself, but even when I try to do so in a calm manner, they refuse to hear me out, saying that I am argumentative.

Can you please help me out? I generally don't care what people think of me, but I do care deeply of what my parents think. If I do not have their support and my confidence plumments. I don't have a lot of friends, so I look to them for guidence and approval, but I feel like (I know this is so babyish) that if I don't have it from them, that they hate me and I become very sad and insecure.

Thanks a lot,

Jen

Dear Jen,

How frustrating, to be "best dressed" at school but accused of being slovenly at home! I can see how that's confusing and annoying.

Here's my idea. Sit down with your parents when they have some time to talk, and tell them that this issue is really bothering you. They've been talking about it a lot, but they may not understand that their remarks are actually hurting your feelings.

Explain that your friends see you as a stylish person, and trot out that best dressed award to show them. Tell your folks that looking good is quite important to you, and that if you slack off at home, it's just because you know your parents will love you unconditionally, whether you look like a slob or a supermodel.

Then ask your parents exactly what they wish you'd do in terms of dressing yourself for around the house. Get them to be specific - is it bugging them that you spend whole weekend days in your pajamas, or do they have something against sweatpants? Once you know exactly what their issue is, it shouldn't be too hard to come up with a compromise. Make a deal with them that you'll change into "day clothes" by 10 am on Saturdays, or that you won't leave your bedroom without getting dressed (even if just in jeans and a tee). Of course, they'll have to adhere to these rules too.

If you can keep an open mind, and go into this with a will to get along better - and not just "win" the argument - I'm sure you guys can come up with a compromise solution that makes everyone feel happier in the house.