Myjellybean.com

Dear Jellybean,

my parents are always keeping me home and won't let me go anywhere! i'm bored 24/7 and they never listen to me instead they just shout and start swearing. i really hate my life! i wish i could go away from them cause it's really hurting me. Also they wouldn't take me to the doctors and i've got heaps of itchy pimples. i don't know what to do. i'm so depressed. :(

Dear Writer,

First of all, let's talk about those pimples. You may be able to deal with them at home, without going to a doctor. Make sure you're following a proper skin-care routine - you can get some good tips on this page of Myjellybean. It's possible you may need to see a dermatologist, but maybe you can clear up a lot of your skin problems by yourself. It's worth a try.

It's tough to feel trapped at home, which sounds like what you're going through. You don't say how old you are, but your parents are probably strict about letting you go out, because they're worried about protecting you from the world, and still see you as a child, instead of a young woman. Depending on your age, this may be more or less appropriate.

So far, it sounds like talking to your parents about your feelings hasn't worked so well. I'm sorry to hear that they yell and swear at you, which is pretty awful. I wonder if talking to them in a different way, though, might yield a different result. I think it's worth a shot.

So try this. Set up a "meeting" with your parents to talk. Just ask them if you can have half an hour of their time, when they are not too busy with other things. Set a specific time and place for your chat - such as the kitchen table, after dinner tomorrow.

Before you sit down with your parents for the meeting, make a point-form list of what you want to say to them. This will help you to organize your thoughts clearly, and it will also help you remember everything you want to say. Try to think about what is really bothering you: Do you want them to let you do more things on your own, without them being there to watch you? Are you bored because you've run out of stuff to do all by yourself at home? Do you crave socializing with people your own age, because you are an only child? Write down all your issues on your piece of paper and bring it to the meeting.

When you have the talk with your parents, ask them if they can listen to what you have to say, with no interrputions. Then promise to let them respond, without interrupting them. The key to making them listen is to speak CALMLY. Speak slowly and quiety, and be mature. Don't get dramatic, like accusing them of ruining your teenage life. Just stick to your specific wants and explain them in a grown-up way.

Then it's time for you to listen. That means not rolling your eyes, sighing, ignoring or interrupting your parents, which can provoke anger. Really listen and hear what your parents have to say to you. If they tell you that you're too young for the things you want, ask them how you can prove their maturity and earn more trust. If they have any ideas, jump at the chance! Offer to do chores, have a set time for doing homework each night, or whatever they want. If you can do something practical to prove your maturity and trustworthiness, that's great... because if you do it well, then they may reward you with more freedom.

You might also try to gain some freedom by saying you're interested in doing volunteer work. Research how you might volunteer in your community - such as helping at the library, working with a local charitable organization, or volunteering with animals at your town's humane society - and ask your parents if that's something they could support you in doing. You'd get out of the house, be doing something new and interesting, and be helping others at the same time.

If none of these ideas work, and your parents still won't budge, or offer you solutions for how to win more freedom, it might be time to call in adult help. You could ask an aunt, an older sibling, a friend's mother or even a trusted teacher to help you figure out this situation and maybe talk to your parents about it with you.