| Article Index |
|---|
| Opening Mom's Eyes To New Era |
| Read the Advice |
| All Pages |
Dear Jellybean,
I’m Jewish and grew u in a pretty Jewish home and I go to a Jewish high school and everything but here’s the problem...
It’s not the situation now since I do have a crush on this boy who goes to my school (different story) but when I’m older and exploring the world I may find someone who isn’t Jewish who I like very much. My mom is the traditional Jewish mother, she wants me to marry a nice white, Jewish man. I’m not like that! I believe in equality and as long as the guy is nice to me and respects me (and is cute) I would be happy!
How can I get my mom to open her eyes that once I’m out of high school It will be a little bit harder to find HER dream guy for me?
My sister is now dating a non-Jew and its going great and no one minds it because he’s a nice guy but when I had a discussion with my mom and she told me this it bothered me. We live in new era and people intermarriage. I am very into keeping my family’s religion alive but it annoys me so much that she’s so set on this!
Any advice?
-Butterflyoffamily
Dear Butterflyoffamily,
You sure asked the right person. I am also Jewish, with a mom who really wanted me to date someone Jewish. I remember having the same worries, and the same discussions with my mom. And I'm here to tell you that, in the end, your mom just wants you to be happy.
I think it's really important for you to not worry too much about the future. I spent so much time thinking about just what you're asking me, and in retrospect, that time was wasted. You can't plan who you will fall in love with someday, anymore than you can predict the rest of your future. All you can do is live your life, and trust that, when it comes down to it, if you find someone who loves you back and treats you with the respect and affection that you deserve, your parents will appreciate that their daughter is in good hands, and will learn to love the person, whatever background they may be from. (My mom did, and I believe yours would too. What parents want - and what they will accept with grace - can be different things, because of their love for you).
So don't worry about opening your mom's eyes. Just live your life, and follow your heart. There's no need to fight battles now, that could wait until later, or might never even happen. (After all, you might surprise yourself and accidentally fall in love with someone Jewish). See where life takes you, and let it unfold naturally. If and when it comes time to have that discussion with your mother, trust that both you and she will be loving and intelligent enough to talk about it then, and still find a way for you both to be happy.
