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Dear Jellybean,
I'm having problems getting along with my brother. He's in grade twelve and I'm in grade ten, yet judging on how we act you'd think it was the other way around. I got my first job when I was 14, have always been on the honor roll, have always been independent, know exactly what I want to do after high school, and got my driver's license a few weeks after I turned 16. My brother, on the other hand, got his first job at 17, hasn't given much thought at all for his plans after school, and he hasn't even studied for his license yet, although in four months he's eighteen. My parents still have to remind him what he has to do for homework, set his alarm for him, and put his school books in his backpack every morning. Yet he's on the varsity basketball team, so he's still the star of the family. Since I'm the more mature one, dealing with him is at times frustrating. He has a short temper, has obscure logic, and can be really controlling. An example of this is when he's playing video games on the computer. He'll be playing them for two hours, and when I approach him asking if I can use it, he either says, "I'm in the middle of something, you can have it in two hours," or a simple "No". This annoys me so much because he doesn't realize that I need it for homework, and sometimes I want to use the computer for fun too. Sometimes I'll be on the computer and he'll ask if he can use it, which most of the time I say that he can right now because 1) I'm right in the middle of something, and 2) I've been on it for a measly 45 minutes compared to his three hours. He'll say something like, "Well in fifteen minutes I'm coming back and you better be off." Usually I give in and let him have his way because of his temper; when he's mad it can get scary. We used to have a silent agreement that he got to use the computer after school for a few hours and then after dinner it was my turn, no questions asked. But lately it's like that doesn't matter and he gets to go on 5 hour marathons. The same thing applies for TV, Wii, phone, everything: if I want to use something and I politely ask when I can use it, he is completely irrational. I have told my parents and a few times they have intervened, but he still manipulates me like he'll always get away with it. How can I communicate with my brother so we can find a fair solution, without him or I getting angry?
-Sister
Dear Sister,
It sound to me like your household needs a computer schedule. This is, quite simply, a written schedule of who gets to use the computer, at what time of day, and for how long. Anyone can use their computer time for whatever they want - homework, gaming, surfing Myjellybean, whatever - but once their time is up, they have to get off and cede the machine to whoever's name is on the schedule for the next time-slot.
Suggest this to your parents, and offer to prepare a schedule for the family. Consult with everyone, and make sure the times you put on the schedule work for them. You'll want to make sure it's fair too - everyone should get equal time - and the times allotted must be enough for the important stuff (like homework) to be fit in. Once you've made up the schedule, ask for family meeting where you all sit down together and look at it one last time, before you all agree to stick by it.
You might also want to come up with "penalties" for violating the terms of the schedule, as well. Make sure your parents sign onto these. If the rules have consequences that your parents actually enforce, it will provide your brother - and everyone - much more motivation to stick to them. For instance, if your brother violates his two-hour time-slot on Tuesday by hogging the computer for a four-hour gaming marathon, your parents will impose a specific punishment (like not letting him use the car on Saturday, or whatever).
