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Dear Jellybean,
My mom doesnt seem to realize she's prejudiced. I was having a talk with her a little while back about how i'll be dating soon and the subject of black and white relationships came up. after a little while she mentioned that she would be uncomfortable with me dating a black boy because i am white. she said the i AM allowed but she does think it's a little weird. when i pointed out tht it was prejudiced she said i'm not racist. there is a boy i know who might be interested in me and he is black. I am worried about if i end up with him in the future. I guess i really have 2 questions. is she racist? and what do i do if my black friend and i become more than friends? i'm so confused.
Dear Writer,
Your mom's reaction to the subject of "black and white relationships" is a racist one... but that doesn't mean she's a bad person. It means she is ignorant and has some wrong ideas. But she's still your mom, and it's good to hear that she loves you enough to try to change her views. It does sound like she is trying - but racist attitudes are born from fear, and they can be hard for people to let go of, because they are not logical or rational.
It's great that you've opened up this conversation with your mom now, before you are in a situation where you are seriously dating someone. It gives you time to talk about your feelings and attitudes with her, and hopefully help her to see that the perfect guy for you isn't white or black - he's a sweet person who treats you with respect, regardless of his skin color.
My advice to you: Keep the communication going! Continue to talk to your mom about your feelings and opinions, and about hers. When you disagree with her thinking, explain why in a calm and rational manner. You might find it very helpful to get another adult involved, so your mom realize that it's not just you who thinks differently from her about the skin color thing. Ask a teacher, a sympathetic relative or a friend’s parent to talk with you two about this. Your mom might not come around immediately (or even at all), but it's definitely worth trying. Not only would it make your life better to help your mom see the world without prejudice, but it would make your mom's life richer and fuller too.
