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Dear Jellybean,
I just started high school, and I love it. I'm having fun with old friends, meeting new friends, and tracking down old friends I haven't talked to in a while. It's all great, but now I'm starting to feel kinda caught up in the whole popularity issue.
See, at my school the popular group is really nice, not mean or badly behaved at all. I feel like I fit in with a lot of them, and I have lots of friends in that group. But I'm really not in that group, I'm good friends with some people who are sometimes considered geeks (by other people, I think they're amazing!) And some people who are just kind of in between. I know i sound like a snob for labeling people, but i'm not they are my good friends and I don't think of them as their labels at all. I'm not really in a group at all, I just hang with my friends. But lately a couple of the popular people, like the ones who are wayy in the group and very popular that I haven't talked to much before, just started being more interested in talking to me and stuff. They asked me to sit with them in class the other day, and even though my really good friend was in that class, I sat with them. Mostly because that really good friend, she was sitting with her punk friends who smoke and drink and pull pranks. I mean, come on! But I felt really bad for kinda leaving my friend. But she's been leaving me for her punk friends for a while, so I don't know if i'm being right or not? don't get me wrong we hang out all the time and stuff, but i feel like i'm dumping her to be popular (which i'm not at all!) I'm feeling weird cause I'm thinking about popular groups and being popular so much, and it's just getting confusing. and am I being a total jerk for labeling everyone like this? How can i balance out all these friends, be friends with the popular crowd but not be snobby, be friends with that friend who hangs with the punks without getting caught up in all that bad behavior and scaryness, and still stay sane? agh i'm confused, help!
-Popular?
Dear Popular?,
I think you're over-thinking this situation. You met some nice new friends, and are spending time with them. Your other friend has met some new people she has stuff in common with, and she's getting to know them too. How can you be friends with everyone? Just do it. Don't obsess about popularity, and don't feel like you have to explain your friendships to anyone. If you hang with the populars but still sometimes pal around with the so-called punks, people will just think you're confident enough in yourself to choose your own friends. If either group bugs you about having friends with other types of people, all you have to say is. "I like her, she's a nice person." But probably nobody will say anything, because most people get that most other people can't be narrowly defined by labels - we all have parts of our personalities that respond to different groups, and different individuals.
How can you avoid getting caught up in bad behaviors? That's similarly easy - just don't give into them. If you're hanging with your punky friend and her group, and they offer you a cigarette or a beer, just say, "No thanks, I'm saving my brain for college" or whatever. Make a joke of it, but let them know that's just not you.
In the end, high school happiness is all about being yourself, and not putting on an act - with anbody. If you stay true to who you are, and don't try to stuff yourself into a one-size-fits-all label, you are going to be just fine.
