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Dear Jellybean,
I have this guy friend who I am amazingly close with and tell everything to. My girlfriends got along with him fine and it was all good. I had always considered him “just a friend” and the point of dating him had never even crossed my mind. Then all of a sudden my best friend started liking him. Being the person I am I decided to play matchmaker and somehow it worked. Now all he wants to do is talk about her and our time has turned into THEIR time. And for some reason every time he even touches the subject of her my stomach starts to hurts. Maybe it’s because jealous or just upset... if it should I tell him? Help!
-Clueless
Dear Clueless,
If you never felt attracted to your guy friend before, your jealousy is probably not because you're in love with him. Rather, it's probably that you're missing the one-on-one friend time with your bud, because he's so wrapped up his new relationship.
This type of thing happens all the time. When a guy friend gets a new girlfriend, one of two things usually happens. Either he gets distant with you and forgets you exist, or he spends all his time with you gushing about his new girlfriend.
It sounds like you're dealing with both of those scenarios. Your time has turned into their time, and when you do get time with him, he just talks about her. I know it's annoying, but do not tell him that you're upset about it.
You have to try to understand why your guy friend is acting this way. He's in love (or at least "in like"), and that makes people act goofy. People in new relationships sometimes disappear for a while, because all they want to do is hang out with their new sweetie. You matched these two up, too, so you had a part to play.
All this doesn't mean that your friendship has to fall apart, though. He is your friend, so be friendly and see if you can talk to him casually about what's going on. Don't tell him you're jealous though, or make him feel bad. It's important not to accuse him of doing anything wrong, or make him feel guilty. The point here is to make him want to hang out with you more, not drive him away.
When you do get some time with your guy friend, just say to him, "I know you're pretty busy with (his GF's name) lately, but I'm kind of missing my best buddy. Can we make time to hang out?" Then suggest a time and an activity so it doesn't stay vague.
When you do hang out, if he talks about his GF, give him some time to do that, and be supportive and cheerful about it. Then when you've had enough, change the subject. After all, he's not the only one with a life of his own. Tell him what's going on with you, who you're crushing on, what you've been doing lately, what book or show you're obsessed with, etc. It's important that a friendship is two-sided, so there's never anything wrong with making sure you get equal talking time.
Of course, the best thing that could happen is that the three of you could spend time together sometimes, as a like-minded group of friends. After all, the girl he's dating isn't just anybody, she's your BFF. See if you can arrange some opportunities to do that - invite them both over to your place to watch a movie, or start a new project with them, like planning your next birthday celebration or forming a band. Think of how great it would be if you could all hang out more - then he'd get couple time, you'd get time with your two favorite friends, and you could make this situation feel more normal.
