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Dear Jellybean,
I've had this group of friends for about 3 yrs now and we were like sisters. We told each other stuff and there was no hard feelings between any of us. Then we started to drift into smaller groups... 1 friend with this one, that 1 with her... and so on-but we all were still in one big group. I felt lately that one of my friends was trying to compete with me and she'd get upset if I didn't tell her my grades, I asked her why was she acting this way and she told me she was just curious. I let it go but after that she'd continue and my other friends would jump on my back about it too, I felt they were ganging up on me. That's not the only problem, they talk about me behind my back and I feel betrayed. I caught them one time after-school, they hadn't known that I was looking for them and when I sopped outside of the bathroom heard mumbling and went in. When I did they all stopped and went quiet. One of my friends who hasn't got involved in gossiping told me that they discuss what I do as if it were an assignment. They lie to my face and I'm tired of giving them 2ND chances. When I stand up for myself they tell me that I'm getting an attitude for no reason... Help? I need to know whether they were ever my friends at all?
-Hurt and Betrayed
Dear Hurt and Betrayed,
It's awful to feel like your friends are ganging up on you. This is a tricky situation, because if you start acting whiney, or accuse them of talking behind your back (which obviously they are), they'll probably just get annoyed and use it as an excuse to gossip even more.
I don't know if these friendships can be saved, or if it's time for you to find another group of friends. If you want to try, though, here's my suggestion. Choose the friend who you feel closest with, the one who hasn't been yakking about you with the others, and pull her aside for a private chat. Be sure none of the other girls are around to overhear.
Tell this friend that this situation with your group is stressing you out, and ask her to tell you honestly if you did anything to make the others stop liking you as much. Keep an open mind, because once you ask that question, it's possible you might find out that yes, there was something you did, that started all of this. (I'm not saying you're at fault, or that there's any excuse for your friends' bad behavior, but you need to know if in their eyes, you were the cause of how all this begun).
Try to listen at least as much as you talk, when you discuss the situation with your friend. Take on board what she tells you, and if there's a way you could change to make the others act nicer, consider doing it. You can also make it clear to your friend that you're confused by all this, and you just want everyone to get along, and ask her if she has any suggestions for making it all blow over.
It's possible that this is just a phase your group is going through - it happens - and that when some other drama comes up, everyone will focus on that and stop bugging you. In the meantime, do your best to act friendly to your friends, don't make accusations, and don't start gossiping about them in retaliation. Take the high road, refuse to be bullied into becoming a less-good person, and see what happens. Good luck to you.
