Myjellybean.com

Dear Jellybean,

One of my best friends read my journal, and mentioned something from it in one of our conversations. She'd basically given it away to everyone else who was sitting around too. It was strange because she didn't hide the fact she read it. (i think she felt bad). i was secretly very mad at her because that was a very private journal she read. she's natrally very nosy, and loves to snoop. I have a slight trust issue with her now, because whenever she comes over to my house she goes into my room, and i really dislike people going in there. I'm always afriad she's going to look at my journal again. I'm sort of hiding things now when she comes over. how do i tell her not to go into my room anymore, and to stop "searching" (which probably isn't it) but still. It makes me very uncomfortible because i'm really secretive. Should i tell her to stop, or just distract her somehow to make her stay away from my room? please help.

Dear Writer,

I think you're being way too nice about all this. One of your "best friends" read your journal - by definition, a private book that's meant for your eyes only, and everyone knows that. Not only did she read it without your permission, but she showed it to other people, a massive betrayal of trust. Personally, I would have told her off about it - so I think you've acted very reasonably in only "secretly" being mad at her, and still having her over to your house.

To protect your privacy at home, there are two things you could do. One is, just tell her that your room is off-limits from now on when you guys hang out at your house. You could use your mom as an excuse - say that your mom likes to have you out in the open, where she can keep tabs on you, or that you're in the middle of a big closet reorganization and you don't want your friend seeing the mess.

Or, do what I used to do when my mom had a bad habit of snooping through my things, when I lived at home. Leave notes in all the places you think she might snoop, that say things like, "(Your friend's name), mind your own business!" Or, "Hey (your friend's name), why are you looking in here?"

I do think that the best thing you could do is to sit down with your friend, and explain to her how you felt when she read - and passed around - your journal. Friendship is a bust without trust, and she needs to know how her actions affected you. It's important to tell her face-to-face how much it hurt your feelings, how it has damaged the trust between you, and that if you're going to continue hanging out, she has to promise not to do it again - because you'd never do that to her.