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Dear Jellybean,
My BFF and I shared a crush (I liked him first though) and the guy liked both of us. In the end I got the guy because I flirted and talked to him a lot more. My BFF thought he lied about liking her and now hates my boyfriend. She keeps talking about what a jerk he is, cursing him out, and saying how much she wants to kill him. I love her, she's my best friend, and I call her my sis. But I can't take it anymore! I don't want to end our friendship or my new relationship. What now?
Dear Writer,
This is why a lot of girls make pacts about not sharing crushes, or at least not pursuing any crush they both share. It just leads to such a mess, nearly every time.
Anyway, you're in the mess now, so let's see if we can help you out of it. I think the only possible solution to your problem is to sit down and have a mature conversation with your friend. Tell her that you love her, and you care about the guy you're dating too, and that all this anger and drama is making you feel tense, exhausted, etc. Ask her how you can all get along better, or if she can at least keep her dislike-y feelings for him to herself, to make your daily lives a little more positive and less stressful.
If she won't go along, you might have to say, "Okay, but you have to understand you're putting down someone I care about. So if you talk like that, I might have to walk away, 'cause it makes me feel really bad." Explain that you still love her, you still want to be friends, but this is about respecting each other's choices, and acting in a way that doesn't hurt each other, rather than just thinking of yourselves.
Whatever you do, be kind and gentle when you talk to her about all this, and don't accuse her of being immature, or make any other judgements. It's hard to be on the losing side of a triangle, as your friend is. Understand that a lot of her behavior is because she didn't get "chosen" and is hurting over it. That doesn't excuse her acting obnoxious - but it can help you to understand where she's coming from.
