Myjellybean.com

Dear Jellybean,

So my friend (let's call her Wendy) likes this guy. Let's call him Tom. So Wendy likes Tom on and off. She says she does, and then says she doesn't, and then says she does. Etc. Recently he began randomly flirting with me, and at first I thought he was joking about it. His friend told my other friend that he was just trying to get over his ex by womanizing. But then he began doing it more often. Me and my friend who knew about it (not wendy) decided not to tell Wendy, because we thought it would hurt her feelings. But then Wendy, according to my friend, voiced some concern that she thought Tom liked me. So my friend who knew about the flirting said I should tell Wendy about it. I think I should tell her about it too, but I don't want to lie to her and say I have no feelings for the guy. What should I tell her? I do sort of like Tom, but it might just be because I'm flattered, and even if I DO end up wanting to go out with him, I know I shouldn't and can't, since Wendy likes him a lot. So, my friend thinks that if I don't act like I hate Tom, both Tom and Wendy will think I'm flirting with Tom. But I don't want to be rude to him, and I also don't want to lead him on. I don't want to be a terrible person to a guy that's actually pretty nice, but I also don't want to make my friend Wendy mad or hurt. What should I do about this whole situation? And thank you for taking the time to read, I know it was kind of long. :D thanks

Sincerely,

Confused and Torn

Dear Confused and Torn,

Wendy likes Tom - in an on-and-off way, but it's clear that she has feelings for him. That came first, before he began flirting with you. You should NOT tell Wendy that Tom has been flirting with you. (Your friend who gave you that advice might mean well, but it's bad advice). Doing so would only make Wendy feel awful, and she would probably blame you, even though you're not at fault.

Instead, here's what to do: Be a good friend to Wendy. Be friendly to Tom - friendly like you would be with Wendy, or any other friend - but nothing more. Don't flirt with him, and if he flirts with you, pretend you don't notice. You don't have to be rude - just act like he's no different than your female friends, and pay him no extra-special attention. And if you can be around him a bit less, in a casual way, then do that. Do it for Wendy.

If Wendy asks if you like Tom, laugh off the idea as ridiculous. Say something like, "No way, I don't see him that way at all. Besides, he's your crush, and I would never do that to a friend."

As for your other friend, the bad-advice giving one, I think she's having a bit too much fun with all this drama. Tell her the situation is over, you've decided to just ignore it, and don't yak about it with her anymore. She's stirring the pot, and all this talk could end up getting back to Wendy, which could only damage your friendship.