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Dear Jellybean,
Recently my best friend (who's a guy) who i'll call R, just got a girlfriend who i'll call B. R used to like me and we used to date (NOT a "relationship", tho) but then B came and he kind of... dropped me. Well, B knows he used to have a thing for me, and she feels threatened by me and has decided she doesnt like me when she doesnt even know me. Once I just looked at her and she thought I gave her a dirty look. When I explained it to her, she just said "ok, watever then". She STILL doesn't like me. And to make it worse, now my friend is so happy with her (it's his first girlfriend since middle school and we're in 11th grade now) that he totally ignores me. He only talks to me or calls me when he needs help with homework or has a problem with her. We never hang out anymore and I miss my friend. And I'm not over him so every time I see them kiss and together I get really jealous and sad. Can you help me?
-LoveLost
Dear LoveLost,
You still like this guy - the fact that you get jealous when he kisses his girlfriend proves that. So I hate to say it, but his girlfriend is right to be suspicious of you. You are a threat to her, because you'd rather she wasn't in the picture, so you could have her boyfriend all to yourself. And she's smart enough to know that, and keep you away from him.
That said, it's still your guy friend's choice whether to be your friend or not. So you can try to work on him. Do know that it's incredibly common for guys to distance themselves from female friends when they get a girlfriend, either because their girlfriend asked them to, or because they just lose track of other females when they fall in love with one particular girl. Your friend is probably so wrapped up in his new GF, he's simply clueless to the fact that he has been ignoring his old friends (you're probably not the only person he's neglecting).
Try not to be too upset with your friend. I know it hurts to be suddenly left out, or feel like you're not needed. But your friend is in love - and love (especially new love) tends to make people act goofy. He is your friend, so be friendly and talk to him about your feelings. Call him up, chat about random stuff, and mention that it's so great to talk to him, because you've really missed him. Be sure not to accuse him of being a bad friend, because the point here is to make him want to hang out with you more, not drive him away! Just say to him, "I know you're busy with your girlfriend lately, but I'm kind of missing my best buddy. Can we make time to hang out?" Then suggest a time and an activity so it doesn't stay vague.
Since your friend is going to be cautious about hanging with you - since his GF doesn't trust you - the best idea would be to suggest you and he and his girlfriend all go out together, or better yet, go out in a larger group of friends. I know this isn't what you really want, but at least for now, you probably have to include her to get him to come along. If you make a huge effort with her, and you two eventually become friends, you have twice as much chance of seeing him in the future.
