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Dear Jellybean,
So my friend definitely can't take what she dishes out to everyone else. She isn't exactly the most symphathetic or greatest listener either. I listen to her problems all the time and when I try to talk to her about mine... which are much much worse most of the time, she changes the subject or blows me off. She always talks about my family to like their worthless. All of this really upsets me. I dont know how to talk to her about it, cause no matter how much this upsets me, I still love her as my friend. I dont want to lose her over this. Any advice?
-Confused
Dear Confused,
It sounds like your friend simply doesn't know some of the basics of being a good friend. My suggestion is that you talk to her about what's missing from your friendship, in terms of how it is affecting you.
When you get a chance to talk to her alone, look her straight in the eye and say, "I really want to be able to share things with you but sometimes I feel like I can't, because you don't really listen to me." Explain that you want to keep being friends, and you think she's a great person, but it feels bad to you when it seems like she's not interested in your life or doesn't care about supporting you when things aren't going great in your life.
I think you also have to catch those moments when your friend turns the conversation back to herself, and away from you, and do something right then. If you start talking about yourself, and she switches the topic to herself and her life, try saying something like, "Hey, I really want to hear about that. But first, could we talk about what's going on with me? I'm really confused and I could use your feedback. I know you'll have something helpful to say." It's possible that by complimenting her friendship skills, you can help her to build them, by "showing" her (instead of telling her) what you need, and what she should have been doing all along. Good luck!
