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No Time To Help Friend's Ex - Read the Advice

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Dear Writer,

You're in a bit of an awkward situation. First of all, you're spending a bunch of time talking to your friend's ex. Even if you are just trying to be helpful, and you have no more-than-friendship feelings for him whatsoever, your friend would be only human if she started developing some suspicions and jealousy about you.

Second of all, you volunteered your friendship to this guy, and told him you were there for him. Now you're finding you don't like what that entails, and you want to withdraw your offer.

So where to start? I think you have to deal with both issues head-on.

First, talk to the guy in question about your feelings. Let him know that you wish him the best, but you're suddenly swamped with your own stuff, including studying for finals, and you might not be available to him for a while. Tell him to take care, wish him well, and encourage him to confide in his parents and his guy friends, but be clear that for at least the next little while, he shouldn't ask you to be there for him, because you need to focus on your own life at present.

Second, talk to "Amy", as a precaution against weirdness developing between she and you. Tell her that her ex was becoming a bit of a burden to you, so you told him you couldn't be there for him to confide in anymore. She'll be relieved that you see him as a pain (rather than as an attractive single guy who you enjoy hanging with), and she'll also know that if she wants the inside scoop on what he's thinking and doing, she'll have to find another source, or just ask him about it.

 



 

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