| Article Index |
|---|
| Friend Is Being Rude |
| Read the Advice |
| All Pages |
Dear Jellybean,
I have this friend who just joined the highschool I go to this year, she lived near me and we hung out when we were younger but drifted apart because of the different schools issue. Last summer I saw her and she said she was coming to my school so we started to hang out again and I invited her into my group of friends. Early in the school year she was fun to hang around but now she turning out to be kind of a ....well -itch. Whenever she hangs out with my group of friends she and one of my best friends are usually rude and/or are in their own world like this rest of us are just supposed to worship them and not question their judgement. Also she says little comments to me that annoy me ,I could take them for awhile but now I know shes purposely doing this. Also no one else seems to notice this but me and they all seem to like her, am I jealous or am I right to be frustrated? I don't want to be mean back but I want to do something about her, I don't want a conflict but I can't stand being treated this way.
-Sincerely Frustrated
Dear Sincerely Frustrated,
People who act rude generally do so because everyone else lets them get away with it. Meaning, if you want your friend to stop acting like this, you are going to need to start speaking up.
I don't suggest a confrontation, because your friend will probably just act defensive and accuse you of being jealous, or say something else to take the focus off herself. Being mean back is a bad idea too. Instead, just make a point of pointing out her behavior, exactly when it happens, and right when it happens. In other words, call her on what's bugging you.
Here's how to do that. If you're with your group of friends, and this rude friend makes a little comment, ask her immediately, "What do you mean by that?" Don't say it in an aggressive way, just act like you genuinely don't get what she means. Play dumb a bit, and make her explain. If she tries to change the subject, just say, "Okay, but sometimes when you make comments like that, it seems like you're trying to hurt my feelings. I can't be right, can I?"
If she acts like you're supposed to worship her... don't! When you disagree with something she says, politely speak up and say so. If she says something you know is wrong, gently correct her.
It's really important to stand up for yourself. We teach people how to treat us - and you need to teach this friend that you're not a doormat. Hopefully, she will learn the lesson in a graceful way, and you two can get back to your former friendship, on a basis of equality.
