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Big Drama With Friends - Read the Advice

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Dear Katti,

First, I need to tell you something that may be useful to you in future. When a friend asks your opinion about something creative they're done or a personal talent - such as their singing, a story they wrote, or a drawing they did - they are not really asking you to critique them, even if they insist and swear up-and-down that they are. What they really want to hear - the only thing that any of us want to hear, from the people who love us - is something along the lines of, "You're amazingly good" or "It's absolutely perfect" or "I'm totally jealous of your talent."

You are not a singing teacher, a producer, a talent agent, or anyone else whose negative opinion (no matter how nicely stated) could help your friend. You're not an expert in other words, so if you don't like her singing, she doesn't know that your opinion is objective - even if it is. Your relationship with her is a personal one, and so it's only natural that she took your criticism personally, and was hurt by it.

So now you now what to do the next time a friend asks you, "What do you think of me?" But right now, you've got to deal with the giant drama caused by your offhand remark.

I think you should apologize again to your singer friend, just to make it totally clear that you know what you did was wrong. (She's obviously still a bit miffed at you, if she three-way ambushed you on the phone). Tell her she realy does have a nice voice, you don't know why you said what you did, maybe you were PMS-ing or something, and you want her to know you think she's at least a good a singer as you. (Just swallow your pride and say it).

Then, tell your singer friend that you just want everyone to be friends again, and ask her if she could talk to P, and let her know how genuinely sorry you're feeling. Offer to apologize to P, too, if you somehow offended her, and keep stating how you just want things to be back to normal, and you feel responsible that they got out of whack in the first place.

If you can claim responsibility for the situation, which is a hugely mature thing to do, it's possible that everything will settle down again. It's worth a try, anyway.

 



 

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