GET A GRIP ON JEALOUSY
Jealousy happens to everyone, even those so-called "perfect couples." You're normal if you occasionally have a jealous thought (or ten). But when we lose control of our jealous feelings, they can destroy our relationships. Myjellybean.com offers tips for understanding jealousy and keeping your emotions in check.
WHY DO I GET JEALOUS?
According to experts, we might blame jealousy on genetics. Once upon a time, when we were cavegirls, it was important to protect our man - after all, we needed him to fetch dinner. Although life is totally different now, we still have that jealous instinct in our blood. So when a modern girl feels like her relationship is being threatened by an outsider, she often reacts naturally with suspicion and anger. For some people, this instinct is too finely tuned - they get jealous when there is no good reason. That's called "romantic obsession" - and it leads to unhealthy relationships where one person tries to control the other one.
Other reasons why a person might be prone to getting jealous include:
-Being cheated on in a past relationship
-Being abandoned as a child (through the divorce or death or parents)
-Being betrayed in some way by their romantic partner (lying or cheating)
-Being over-sensitive and anxious about rejection
-Low self esteem
HOW CAN I TELL IF I'M "TOO" JEALOUS?
If you have a problem with jealousy, you probably know it, because it's caused trouble in your relationships. Think about which reasons, above, might be causing those jealous feelings.
THE SIDE EFFECTS OF JEALOUSY
Once you know where the emotion is coming from, the next step is recognizing how it affects your love relationships. Here are a few common side effects of jealousy:
-You get obsessed with thinking or talking about your guy's old girlfriends
-You read through your boyfriend's e-mails or journal, or search through his belongings
-You need constant reassurance that your BF doesn't like anyone else more than you
-You give your boyfriend the third degree after je goes somewhere without you
-You follow your BF to find out what he does when you're not around
-Your boyfriend feels guilty hanging out without you, as if he's doing something wrong
-You put on theatrics to discourage your guy from spending time apart from you
HOW DO I STOP BEING SO JEALOUS?
Sometimes, jealousy is justified. There are cases where one person really is cheating or lying. It's important to know the facts before you start making accusations, though. If you think that your boyfriend is generally behaving well, then jealousy is mostly your problem to solve.
Develop Yourself As A Person
Focus on hobbies you've already got, or take up more activities. When your life is fairly busy, you won’t always be "waiting around" for your boyfriend - which makes you dependent and leads to suspicious feelings. A lot of jealousies start because one person has too much time on their hands.
Leave The Past Behind
Be honest with each other about past relationships, but talk about them at the start of your relationship and then forget about them. Don’t bring them up unnecessarily. Be careful of trying to make threats during a fight, by bringing up your own exes. You may think it's clever, but you could create jealousy issues for your boyfriend that end up wrecking your relationship.
Don’t Test His Love
If you bring up the subject of which other girls he thinks are hot, he might actually tell you. Then you will always have that information on your mind. That will lead to unstoppable jealousy and mistrust, and he hasn't even done anything except answered your question. Trust us, you don't want to know!
Let Him Have Friends Who Are Girls
Realize that close boy-girl friendships are actually a good sign - they mean your partner likes girls as people, not just for fooling around. Yes, sometimes you might be jealous of his close girl friends. Be honest with him about it. Ask to be included when they go out. If you've got close guy friends, occasionally talk with your sweetie about how feels about these friendships.
Deserve His Trust
That means not reading his emails, looking in his bag when he's out of the room or trying to figure out his voicemail code. Don't follow him or try to get his friends to tell you his secrets. Be honest with yourself and ask, would you love someone who you caught going through your stuff?
Let Him Earn Your Trust
If he doesn't flirt with other girls, don't accuse him of cheating. You'll just be giving him bad ideas. If he gets yelled at when he acts like an angel, why should he keep up the good guy routine?
Believe In Your Value
Despite all your feelings of insecurity, there is a reason you are together at this moment. No one will ever replace the unique relationship you share. Jealousy often stems from inadequacies or feeling that one does not deserve to be loved. Are you uncertain if you deserve him? Understand that may be the reason for your jealousy, not anything he's done.