DECIDING TO BREAK UP
It's no fun getting dumped, but deciding to dump someone can be almost as difficult. Choosing to leave a dude who still likes you is rough. Almost every girl has to face dumping someone at least once in her life, and most of us will worry about whether we are making the right choice. The truth is, a girl has to do what's right for her, and sometimes that means hurting the guy who is wrong for her. Myjellybean.com presents tips for knowing when breaking up with your boyfriend is the right thing to do.
Know When to Work Hard, and When to Quit
Only you can decide how hard you want to work at having a good relationship. Some people feel that love should be easy, and as soon as they get annoyed with any little thing about their guy, they're heading for the door. Other people hang in there to the bitter end, putting up with constant drama, hoping things will get better. Neither approach is very healthy. Think about how you deal with relationship stress. If you care for someone, you should be able to deal with a bad day or a boring date here or there. However, if you're riding a constant roller coaster of emotions with your boyfriend, or he never even comes close to being your ideal, it's probably be a sign that you two aren't meant to be.
Have Realistic Expectations
Some girls expect Hollywood romance from their boyfriends all the time. Generally, those girls will always be disappointed. Normal guys can be romantic, but they don't swoop down out of helicopters to pick up their girlfriends for prom, or show up with a dozen roses on every date. Yes, you should expect him to do something special for your birthday. Yes, he should treat you with respect and affection all the time. But no, you shouldn't expect him to act like a movie hero. He's a real guy and you've got to judge him by real-life standards.
Recognize a Great Guy When You've Got Him
Learn to recognize the signs of a great boyfriend and appreciate when you've got one. If you're dating a guy who has a positive outlook on life, is responsible and trustworthy, will really listen when you talk, can express his feelings to you, shows respect for himself and others, doesn't abuse drugs or alcohol, has a good relationship with his family, has nice friends and is open to commitment... well then, you've hit the jackpot! When you're deciding whether to keep a guy or cut him loose, think about he generally makes you feel. If it's "special", then think twice about why you are thinking about cutting him loose. But on the other hand...
Sometimes Mr. Perfect Isn't Right for You
Your friends might think your boyfriend is perfect. Your family might love him to death. But if it does not feel right to you, that's all that matters. Just because a guy has all the right qualities, doesn't mean he is your perfect match. There's something called "chemistry" that creates a spark and interest between two people. If you and your boyfriend haven't got it, or if you've lost it and you can't seem to get it back, then it could be time to think about ending things. Don't ever stay in a relationship because other people think you should. After all, you're the only one who knows what it feels like for you in that relationship.
Consider Your Friends' Opinions, But Be Careful
Sometimes a girl thinks her relationship is going great, until a friend tips her off that her boyfriend is lying or cheating. When should you believe a friend in these matters? It's always a good idea to listen to your friends. However, it doesn't mean they're telling you the truth. Sometimes a friend is worried about you getting hurt, so she takes a minor incident and exaggerates it. Or, maybe you have a so-called friend who is trying to cause trouble because she wants your guy for herself. Then again, your friend might be feeling neglected, so she makes up a story, hoping you'll dump your boyfriend and be all hers again. In other words, there are lots of times when friends tell you something about your boyfriend and it isn't true. But... sometimes when a friend gives you a warning about your boyfriend, it's the ugly truth - and she's the only one brave enough to say to your face. If you hear a rumour, don't act without thinking. Confront your boyfriend about what you've heard. Tell him exactly what people have been saying, and ask him if the stories are true. Then watch and listen to him carefully when he responds. Hopefully you'll be able to tell if he's sincere when he swears he didn't do anything wrong. You'll have to trust your instincts and be aware of any changes in his behaviour. But don't toss him out without giving him a chance to explain his side of the story first. If you accuse a guy of something and you are wrong, you might not be able to get him back later.
If He Cheated, He's Not Worth Keeping
Unfortunately, cheaters do not reform. This is because of a very important truth in life: We teach people how to treat us. If we forgive a guy who cheats, he learns "hey, I can cheat on her and she'll forgive me!" Guys who cheat once and get away with it, will always cheat again. It is unfortunate but true. If he cheated on you, it doesn't matter how much you love him. He doesn't love you enough to be true, and that's all that counts. Dump the dude and move on. Every girl deserves a one-woman man.
Hearts Are Not Toys
See if you recognize this pattern: You develop a huge crush on a guy. You pursue him. You hook up with him. He starts to care about you a lot. Then you get bored, or notice a cuter guy, or end up kissing someone else... and you dump him. If that sounds like you, you are playing a terrible game with boys. There is nothing wrong with dating different guys, or ending a relationship to date someone who has a better personality or makes you feel more special. But if you have a track record of dumping guys shortly after you "catch" them, think about the damage you're doing... to the guys, and to your reputation. You need to be careful that you don't get known as a dumper, or soon enough no guy will want to go out with you. If this is your pattern, you need to break it. Instead of hooking up with every guy who shows interest, do more thinking before getting into a new relationship. Spend a good amount of time being friends - just friends - with a new guy, before letting things go further. That way, you'll have a better idea of whether he's a good person and someone who can satisfy your needs in a romantic relationship.
You're Getting Mixed Signals
If your boyfriend is sending you mixed signals - one minute he's affectionate, the next you're being ignored - it could be a sign that the relationship is doomed. If you feel unfulfilled a lot of the time, or you feel like you can never predict your boyfriend's behaviour, you may be dating someone who doesn't know how to treat a girl right. Talk to your boyfriend about your feelings. If he listens to your opinions and promises to do better, give him a week to prove that he means it. But if he gets irritated and won't talk about your concerns with you, or if he keeps up the Jeckyll and Hyde behaviour, get out of the relationship. A guy who's worth staying with is a guy who cares enough to make you feel good, and make up for it when he's made you feel bad. If he's not that guy, forget him!
You're Experiencing More Pain Than Pleasure
If your boyfriend is mentally or physically controlling or abusive, you must end the relationship immediately. Nobody has the right to tell you what to do. If you feel constantly blamed, criticized or put down by your boyfriend, recognize that is mental abuse. If he pushes you around physically, you absolutely must get away from him (and probably talk to your medical doctor or a therapist about healing from the experience). If he makes you feel used or foolish, he's messing with your mind. If you're constantly arguing about his drug or alcohol use, he's disrespecting your values and he's not worth your time. A relationship should add to your happiness, not take away from it. If you are more unhappy than happy with him, you can be sure you're doing the right thing by breaking up with him.
Trust Your Instincts
Whenever you think of asking a friend, "should I break up with him?" - usually, the right answer is already within you. Trust your ability to know when things are just not working out for you. Maybe you can't describe exactly why you aren't happy or satisfied in the relationship, but that doesn't matter. What counts is, knowing how you feel, and acting on those feelings. In the end, you are the one who best knows what is good for you.