Myjellybean.com

Hi Jellybean,

I really really really need your help. See, I started a new school this year and things were going well for a bit, until they started to go downhill at the end of september. There are only 15 kids in my grade, and four girls including me. This may make grade 9 seem like a breeze for me, but it's not. The reason for this is one girl, who is not exceptionally pretty or anything like that, but she gets all of the attention (from both guys and girls) because she's very outspoken, loud, and full of energy.

I'm not like that, I wish I was, but it's really starting to bother me because people talk to me less and less and her more. The other two girls are getting ignored too, and none of us are really sure what to do.

I'm shy and always nervous about saying something stupid, especially because I really like a guy in my class. I have a reputation for being the small, cute innocent girl because I am quite petite and innocent. The girl who gets all the attention is the opposite, though. She claims to have made out with tons of guys, had tons of boyfriends, drank alcohol, etc etc. She seems experienced compared to me and I feel like a loser when I try to act more like her. She can carry on conversations for hours and I... can't.

It's just that she has a very outgoing personality and can be herself around anyone whenever and wherever, and I can't. It takes people at least a year to get to know me well enough for me to act myself around them. What should I do? I really want to get noticed and not be thought of as "the cute innocent girl". I'm sick of her getting all the attention and being ignored. Please help, Myjellybean, my social life is going down the drain!

-Leila

Dear Leila,

You have a secret weapon. It's called "being yourself". This other girl may be getting lots of attention now - but she's just a novelty act. It's still early in the year. I can pretty much guarantee you that in another month or two, when people get to know her better, they'll become a bit bored of her bragging, wild stories, and intensity, and start to look around to see if there are any "normal" people there. And there you will be, being your "cute and innocent" self, and looking pretty fabulous next to Miss Experienced.

Something else that you should know is, there are lots of guys who are less-than-impressed with a girl who seems to have been there, done that with a ton of other guys. For right or wrong, it's the cute and innocent girls who usually win in the end, because most guys like to feel like they are conquering new territory, not going where so many others have been before.

So don't fret about your social life. I have a feeling you're going to be just fine. For now, concentrate on having a good time with the friends you have, and do not try to compete with the new girl. If you become more like her, you'll just be less of yourself - and that can only diminish you. Hang onto what you have, be comfortable with who you really are, and trust that other people - at least the "right" other people - are going to admire and like you for that.