Definitely wear cotton underwear and looser shorts (if your shorts are tight right now). Beyond that, I have no advice.
So this is life, eh? Hmm, I'm surprised; not what I was expecting. I guess I'll roll with the punches, and take it one day at a time. I'll find love where I least expect it. I'll laugh till I cry. I'll make the best of every moment. And most importantly, on the day I die, I guess I'll be able to look back and say, "Damn, what a ride!".
RIP My darling. We'll all miss you, now until forever.