We had an argument.. I need your opinions
We had an argument tonight. Every year theres a fair that comes to my moms place in june. I haven't gone in a few years because I didn't really have anyone to go with, but this year I wanted to plan for my boyfriend and I to go down and go camping for the weekend of the fair. We would settle in at the campgound friday night, go to the fair saturday afternoon, camp saturday night with marshmellows and all that traditional stuff, then go to the derby on sunday morning and then pack up and come home. I was really looking forward to it because things have been kinda bland and we haven't been able to spend much time together. I wanted just one weekend where we would be together doing fun stuff. No video games, no technology, no sitting around doing nothing. A nice weekend together.
Well it turns out that he cant get friday off from work. He works at 11pm on friday so I told him well it doesnt make sense then to drive down saturday where we would only get there at the earliest 3pm, set up the campsite and then only go to the fair for a few hours, and camp for one night and leave in the morning for the derby. It's a waste of money and time since my moms is really far to travel to. I dont even go to my moms for one night when I'm visiting her because its pointless. He got really upset and started talking about how useless he is and how he cant do anything right and he cant even make enough money to go camping and how hes always working but never making enough money and how he cant even buy me anything to make up for not going camping. I tried to explain that I dont care about money, I dont even care about camping or the fair, but that I just wanted one weekend where we would have eachothers undivided time together to which he said "I cant even do that for you" so I'm assuming he missed the point, because he CAN do that for me without spending money. For example we could have a movie weekend where we sit around and watch movies together. Anything really.
Well the topic was kind of dropped mostly because he was at work and we were talking over facebook. But tonight I tried to bring up some solutions to make it so that we can still go to the fair and camping. There's a bus that takes us to my moms so I sugegstion that maybe we could take the bus on saturday morning. Its at 9am so he could go there straight from work and that way we wouldn't get to my moms town too late and we could still set up the camping and have time to spend at the fair. He ended up saying "well the bus is at 9am I wont even have time to come home and sleep", which I understand and know. He would go to work at 11pm, work til 7am, go on the bus at 9am and most likely be up until late late at night. The thing is that most fridays he goes to work at 11pm, comes home at 7am, and stays up until saturday in the wee morning playing his PC game. So I figured if he could do that, then he could at least sacrifice his sleep time to spend a fun weekend with me that I've wanted for a long time. So I said to him "Well you always come home on saturday mornings anyway and dont sleep until sunday anyway." and he said "Ya but this is different, I'll be taking a bus where there's tons of people and I'll be out in public the whole day. What am I going to do, sleep on the bus?" I told him he could sleep at my moms if he wanted while I set up at the campsite which is down the street. He kept arguing so I basically said "Alright nevermind then."
I was obviously upset at the fact that I couldn't come up with a solution and basically he couldn't sacrifice one weekend to try and rekindle our relationship from the terrible boring state its been in lately. So I didn't really talk much the rest of the night and just went about my business. He started getting ready for work and smiled at me and I smiled back, obviously it was a forced smile so he asked me what was wrong. I said nothing because I didnt think it was worth it to bring up the topic again and he asked I was upset because he couldn't go camping. Of course in my some what angry/sad state I said "No I'm upset because you're not trying to come camping."
and thats when everything went haywire. He started raising his voice saying that he was trying everything he could to come camping and that he shared with me last night how upset he was that he couldn't come and that he couldn't believe I would say something like that after he felt sooo guilty that he couldn't go. He started talking about how he's always working and its not his fault if he can't get days off, and then he said "I work my ass off so that you can have nice things like that laptop you're using, and you dont even appreciate it". This is when I went off my horse because I couldn't believe that he would say I dont appreciate him working to and the money he brings in. I basically just gave him a dirty face and he was like "Oh dont look at me like I'm the bad guy YOU DONT appreciate my money and you know it".
I cant remember some of the other things that were said but we were both very rude to eachother and never made up. He left for work and both of us were very quiet and upset.
I can't help but feel mostly angry about the whole thing. I do feel a bit bad about saying some of the things I said, but I feel mostly angry at the way he acted. That he would assume I don't feel appreciative of his work, that he would make me look like the bad person when he stays up all weekend anyway to play video games but then when I want him to stay up to go do soemthing together I'm inconsiderate.
I don't know what to do. I feel vindictive. I feel like taking my things and moving in with my mom and telling him "You're right, I dont appreciate your money so I'm going to move in with my mom and I'll get my own job out there and I'll pay for all my bills, and you pay for all yours. There. Problem solved". I feel like taking all the things that I've ever put in MY NAME on credit cards that are in MY NAME and throwing them away because I dont appreciate the money he uses to pay for bills that HE has racked up IN MY NAME. If he doesn't want to throw all his money away at bills then maybe he shouldnt have bought his 37 inch tv, or his 1300$ laptop, or two bottles of pepsi a night, or ordered pizza every week. Obviously I won't do any of this.
I know that we're probably both in the wrong here, but am I really so mean as to be upset about all of this? Is it possible that I'm in the wrong?
If I were you, I would be really mad that he wouldn't just go camping. I mean I understand his point about not getting sleep, but if he wouldn't sleep anyway then..? I'm such a planner and was always looking for nice, relaxing things to do, and I know I would get really disappointed if my ex suddenly cancelled or just didn't want to. However, you did tell him nevermind. Which I know how it is to be mad so you just drop it but guys really don't like it when you say one thing and mean another. So of course he was going to be upset that you were still brooding on it. (at least my ex would get super pissed over stuff like that) I think his ranting about money was just him being angry. I wouldn't do anything vindictive over it. Because it's his money, he can waste it how he wants to. He did say he was upset that he couldn't afford to do nice things so he at least acknowledged that. I'm not really any help. Basically, if I were you, yes, I'd be very disappointed and upset. But I wouldn't be over things he said about money. You still have time to make a nice weekend.
If you knew he felt guilty about not being able to go, then you shouldn't have thrown it in his face. Did you suggest to him that you two stay home and have a movie night instead? I can undertand why you think he should sacrifice the sleep he doesn't get anyways to go camping, but I kind of have to agree with him on that one. It's different when you're traveling on a bus for x amount of hours and still have a number of other activities to participate in once you arrive. If the reason he's working so hard is to pay off bills that he's made in your name, then no, I don't think you're in the wrong for being upset that he threw the money/job thing in your face. If it's true, then I'd say it was him who didn't appreciate your credit by racking up bills in your name. Regardless of who is wrong, someone has to speak up and smooth things over. Maybe make up with a movie night since he can't go camping? Put your cell phones in a drawer so neither of you have any added distractions and just enjoy each others' company.
"Faith without work is dead."
If you're looking for time together and "away" why not just find a reasonably priced hotel close by and go for a night or two? I dont know where you live but here bus tickets are NOT cheap and fairs can get really expensive too. You could use the pool, rent a movie, and maybe go to dinner or order room service.
Bus tickets aren't too bad here. My mom would probably send us the bus ticket money because she's helping us pay for the whole weekend away type thing. But we definitely couldn't afford a hotel and I don't think my mom would want to pay for that alone lol. That does sound like it would be nice though.
Originally Posted by LucyAndDiamonds
It is nice to hear other sides that aren't biased so thank you guys for sharing your opinions.
Should I apologize? I feel bad that things were left the way they were.. But I also would like an apology in return, and I'm afraid that he thinks he didn't do anything wrong.
So I apologized for the things I said but I let him know that it hurt me to hear him say that he thought I didn't appreciate him. I told him not to confuse my dissatisfaction with the way my life is right now (Which he knows that I've been upset about school and not being able to get a job and whatnot) with me being unappreciative.
We didnt discuss things any further as he said he was too depressed to talk about it. I guess that's all I can do.
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