ive never felt as pathetic and helpless as i do now.

[Meshell]

i rarely cry, but now is one of those times. i never really got over my ex, but i learned to except what i couldnt have. and then hes a little mind **** devil and comes back into my life after two years purely to confuse the ****ing crap out of me....well im sure thats not what his intentions were, but thats sure what happened.

and i know like my problems are silly and stupid, but to me this just sucks. someone please just remind me that things get better. i'm just so confused.

PS, I'm surprised that this is all coming out when I'm sober. Usually I'm only this nuts when I've had too much to drink.

and i just feel like i need to talk to him about what happened, because we never talked about it. like i dont even know what i want to say. all i can think of is "what the ****! seriously, what the **** was that"

[Canis Lupus]

I know the feeling. My ex and I were together for 4 years and we just stopped talking for months and months and I got together with another guy. Then I guess he never changed his address so all his tax stuff got sent to my apartment so I had to get ahold of him. And we started talking and it's like everything came rushing back. I was so happy in my current relationship until we started talking and now it's like I'm second guessing and comparing everything and obviously there is little to compare between 4 years and 7 months. The difference in feelings is ridiculous and what also doesn't help is that my ex has a new girlfriend that he's so completely happy with. I always get drunk and text/Facebook my ex begging him back, it's so ****ing stupid but it's like I can't control it. He wants to be friends but us talking like that just makes me remember everything. So frustrating, but at the same time it's so hard to force myself to ignore/forget about him. I really hope I still don't feel this way in 2 years.

Ugh, sorry, rant. My only advice is try to focus on the bad and WHY you broke up to begin with. That kind of helps me sometimes.

[Meshell]

I know the feeling. My ex and I were together for 4 years and we just stopped talking for months and months and I got together with another guy. Then I guess he never changed his address so all his tax stuff got sent to my apartment so I had to get ahold of him. And we started talking and it's like everything came rushing back. I was so happy in my current relationship until we started talking and now it's like I'm second guessing and comparing everything and obviously there is little to compare between 4 years and 7 months. The difference in feelings is ridiculous and what also doesn't help is that my ex has a new girlfriend that he's so completely happy with. I always get drunk and text/Facebook my ex begging him back, it's so ****ing stupid but it's like I can't control it. He wants to be friends but us talking like that just makes me remember everything. So frustrating, but at the same time it's so hard to force myself to ignore/forget about him. I really hope I still don't feel this way in 2 years.

Ugh, sorry, rant. My only advice is try to focus on the bad and WHY you broke up to begin with. That kind of helps me sometimes.

why we broke up... lets see. one morning i got out of bed to pee and when i came back into the bedroom he had woken up and then just broke up with me. i was just in utter shock and started getting my **** together to leave and he just started crying and begged me not to leave because he loved me....but wasn't taking the break up back. and thats probably why i don't have closure. because i think hes a ****ing dumbass for that day. a complete dumbass.

thats the first and only time he told me he loved me. minutes after he dumped my ass. he told me he had no idea why he wanted to break up, and still to this day i have never gotten an answer.

and i never really moved on. i haven't had a boyfriend since him and its been two years. And ever since a few weeks ago when we slept together ****s been just weird. a few nights ago i was hanging out with my fwb and he just blurted out "when are you gonna get a good boyfriend like ____?" and then the next night i was with his roommate and he says to me "i hear your smitten with my roommate?" (except not seeing how he doesn't give two ****s about me). why do all our friends feel the need to constantly remind me.

[SweetSweetIrony]

Talk to him. Because I guaruntee the pain won't go away until you get some sort of closure, no matter how small.

A few years ago, after my first surgeries and after I couldn't go back to school I started spending spending weekends at the local college where my best friend goes. I started hooking up with one of his best friends. Everyday friday and saturday for months I was in that kids bed. One weekend we all went to a party at one of our friend's houses and to summarize my best friend (now current boyfriend, lol) started calling me and we got into a huge screaming crying fight on the phone and I got suppper drunk. The guy I was hooking up with got spooked and told me the next day he didn't like what'd he seen and that he "didn't like drunk girls", but if I swore not to drink that night he would spend the night with me. Up until that point we hadn't had sex, we'd only fooled around every weekend.

So we get back to campus to a different house party, and I stayed sober. I just nursed drinks all night, but he basically ignored me. So I wandered and was mingling with other people right? I come back only to find out he'd gone upstairs (WITH A DRUNK CHICK) locked the door and had sex with her. I was devastated. Not only that, but afterwards when I wasn't around him and the entire group I was there with left. Just left and went back to the dorms and stranded me at the house. I ended up being taken care of by a bunch of frat guys I'd never seen before in my life.


My friends couldn't understand why it hurt so much. Because "it's not like we were an item" "it wasn't like we were even having sex". What they failed to understand is that all those weekends we didn't just hook up and sleep, we'd be up allll night talking too. It was under my skin for months. Until one night I was at our friends and he just showed up, he caught me alone and finally apologized and tried to explain why he did it. I got my closure and you know, it honestly helped %100.

[Castles]

so you really think knowing WHY he doesn't wanna be with you is gonna make you feel better? if i am not mistaken, didn't he get another girlfriend after you? i can't quite remember but i think i recall that. look, nothing he says is gonna make you be like "oh, so that's why he didn't wanna be with me! i'm better now!" (ok unless maybe he tells you he decided he is gay or something, lol) cuz no matter what it is, it'll hurt your feelings. keep in mind being "afraid to get hurt" is an excuse 99.999999% of the time and i'm pretty sure that is what he would tell you if you asked.

it was stupid of him to hook up with you drunkenly out of the blue since you aren't over him but then again maybe he didn't know it would affect you so much. this situation is not uncommon, i've heard it happen to other girls, and i've had it happen to me a long time ago. i've had that talk and it was always fluffed up with excuses, which i knew deep down that they were just that- excuses. did it make me feel any better? nope. most guys don't have the balls to tell you "i just can't see myself with you longterm" and even if they did tell you that, how do you think it'd make you feel?

talk to him if you think it will make you feel better, but i'm telling you it probably won't. what WILL make you feel better is moving on and not hooking up with him.

[lolz@yourface]

so you really think knowing WHY he doesn't wanna be with you is gonna make you feel better? if i am not mistaken, didn't he get another girlfriend after you? i can't quite remember but i think i recall that. look, nothing he says is gonna make you be like "oh, so that's why he didn't wanna be with me! i'm better now!" (ok unless maybe he tells you he decided he is gay or something, lol) cuz no matter what it is, it'll hurt your feelings. keep in mind being "afraid to get hurt" is an excuse 99.999999% of the time and i'm pretty sure that is what he would tell you if you asked.

it was stupid of him to hook up with you drunkenly out of the blue since you aren't over him but then again maybe he didn't know it would affect you so much. this situation is not uncommon, i've heard it happen to other girls, and i've had it happen to me a long time ago. i've had that talk and it was always fluffed up with excuses, which i knew deep down that they were just that- excuses. did it make me feel any better? nope. most guys don't have the balls to tell you "i just can't see myself with you longterm" and even if they did tell you that, how do you think it'd make you feel?

talk to him if you think it will make you feel better, but i'm telling you it probably won't. what WILL make you feel better is moving on and not hooking up with him.

i agree with this. i've never understood people's desire to talk about why they aren't liked/loved anymore. no matter what he says, he doesn't want to be with you, which is still going to hurt. and if you accept it and walk away now then at least you won't have to remember that painful and embarrassing conversation.

[Meshell]

so you really think knowing WHY he doesn't wanna be with you is gonna make you feel better? if i am not mistaken, didn't he get another girlfriend after you? i can't quite remember but i think i recall that. look, nothing he says is gonna make you be like "oh, so that's why he didn't wanna be with me! i'm better now!" (ok unless maybe he tells you he decided he is gay or something, lol) cuz no matter what it is, it'll hurt your feelings. keep in mind being "afraid to get hurt" is an excuse 99.999999% of the time and i'm pretty sure that is what he would tell you if you asked.

it was stupid of him to hook up with you drunkenly out of the blue since you aren't over him but then again maybe he didn't know it would affect you so much. this situation is not uncommon, i've heard it happen to other girls, and i've had it happen to me a long time ago. i've had that talk and it was always fluffed up with excuses, which i knew deep down that they were just that- excuses. did it make me feel any better? nope. most guys don't have the balls to tell you "i just can't see myself with you longterm" and even if they did tell you that, how do you think it'd make you feel?

talk to him if you think it will make you feel better, but i'm telling you it probably won't. what WILL make you feel better is moving on and not hooking up with him.

talking to him wouldnt be about why we broke up two years ago. it'd be about what the hell happened two weeks ago. he went from hating me for the past two years to suddenly being more than forgiving. its just kinda confusing. you don't hold a grudge against someone for two years and then just suddenly get over it out of the blue.

i dont really expect to accomplish anything from talking to him besides just knowing that i spoke my mind. i know talking to him wont make him realize hes in love with me or anything unrealistic like that. but maybe if i get these words out then they wont be on my mind anymore. just a thought. i dont know what else to do. i say i want to move on but when it comes down to it i lack interest.