Talk to him. Because I guaruntee the pain won't go away until you get some sort of closure, no matter how small.
A few years ago, after my first surgeries and after I couldn't go back to school I started spending spending weekends at the local college where my best friend goes. I started hooking up with one of his best friends. Everyday friday and saturday for months I was in that kids bed. One weekend we all went to a party at one of our friend's houses and to summarize my best friend (now current boyfriend, lol) started calling me and we got into a huge screaming crying fight on the phone and I got suppper drunk. The guy I was hooking up with got spooked and told me the next day he didn't like what'd he seen and that he "didn't like drunk girls", but if I swore not to drink that night he would spend the night with me. Up until that point we hadn't had sex, we'd only fooled around every weekend.
So we get back to campus to a different house party, and I stayed sober. I just nursed drinks all night, but he basically ignored me. So I wandered and was mingling with other people right? I come back only to find out he'd gone upstairs (WITH A DRUNK CHICK) locked the door and had sex with her. I was devastated. Not only that, but afterwards when I wasn't around him and the entire group I was there with left. Just left and went back to the dorms and stranded me at the house. I ended up being taken care of by a bunch of frat guys I'd never seen before in my life.
My friends couldn't understand why it hurt so much. Because "it's not like we were an item" "it wasn't like we were even having sex". What they failed to understand is that all those weekends we didn't just hook up and sleep, we'd be up allll night talking too. It was under my skin for months. Until one night I was at our friends and he just showed up, he caught me alone and finally apologized and tried to explain why he did it. I got my closure and you know, it honestly helped %100.
Your scream is burning through my veins.
Live fast, die pretty.
"The knight departing for new adventures offends his lady, yet she has nothing but contempt for him if he remains at her feet" Simone de Beauvoir.
ARP <3 Come back to me.