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  1. #1
    DoTheDamnThing Guest

    Can someone tell me how this works?

    Breaking up. I just don't know. I'm in denial.

    My last relationship was 2 years long and I ended it and really didn't feel a thing. It honestly was a really easy process for me. My boyfriend just broke up with me and I honestly don't know what to do with myself. I'm completely heartbroken. I love him so much, and I wasn't ready for him to call it quits. Everything hurts and I can't stop crying.

    I just signed a lease and put down a security deposit on an apartment, thinking that if at least one of us got out of the house it would make things better. Now I don't even want to move. At all. I'd rather stay living at home and saving money as opposed to living all by myself 24/7.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2011
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    1,093
    all i can say is i'm really sorry.

    i strongly recommend "it's called a break-up because it's broken." it will probably help bring some clarity to your situation.

    you're gonna be okay. if he wasn't happy, then it's a good thing he let you go so you can find someone who WILL be happy with you and who will make you feel just as happy.
    Thanks a whole... lot.

  3. #3
    Strawberrie Guest
    Aww sorry that happened. I find the best thing to do is go with the flow. I can only speak from personal experience, but usually I cry my eyes out for weeks and imagine ways to undo things and how it could have ended differently. And that sucks but I think it's part of getting all the feelings out. Then you kinda just let things go. Try to see people, keep yourself busy. Even though you don't feel like moving, think of it as a fresh start to a new life. Maybe have some friends come crash at your new place soon? Either way one day, not necessarily soon, it will hurt a little less. It won't feel like much relief but it's something, you know? The easiest way to deal with a break up is to know that one day you'll feel okay with it. I always remember the break up that tore my life apart. I only ate spaghetti for a month (i was young and upset lol) but now I can look back and feel good about our relationship but know we weren't meant to be together. So I guess for now just don't be afraid to feel all that pain, but don't let it swallow you either. And know that one day it won't feel so bad. I wish there was more to it, but there really isnt. Good luck, and feel better.

  4. #4
    DoTheDamnThing Guest
    Thanks girls. What you said means a lot.

    I just don't want it to hurt so much. I've just gone through waves of emotions all day. One second I'm fine and the next I'm bawling my eyes out. I'm so sad it had to come to this, I wanted it to work so bad. I feel like I'm impossible to love.

    All in the same phone call he said that he he didn't want to be with me, I don't make him happy, and that he wants to see me tomorrow. My head obviously says well that's dumb...why would I want to see someone who just shattered my heart? Of course my heart wants to see him. What good is that going to do? NONE. BUT I AGREED TO IT ANY WAY. ****.

    In any other relationship I haven't given a **** about the guy, but this time I really cared. I really wanted him to be happy. I tried. I really did. I gave in and called him tonight, and he answered. He wasn't supposed to answer.

    I just want to see him. I want him to take it back.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
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    Quote Originally Posted by DoTheDamnThing View Post
    Thanks girls. What you said means a lot.

    I just don't want it to hurt so much. I've just gone through waves of emotions all day. One second I'm fine and the next I'm bawling my eyes out. I'm so sad it had to come to this, I wanted it to work so bad. I feel like I'm impossible to love.

    All in the same phone call he said that he he didn't want to be with me, I don't make him happy, and that he wants to see me tomorrow. My head obviously says well that's dumb...why would I want to see someone who just shattered my heart? Of course my heart wants to see him. What good is that going to do? NONE. BUT I AGREED TO IT ANY WAY. ****.

    In any other relationship I haven't given a **** about the guy, but this time I really cared. I really wanted him to be happy. I tried. I really did. I gave in and called him tonight, and he answered. He wasn't supposed to answer.

    I just want to see him. I want him to take it back.
    i'm so sorry to hear were there any signs of it beforehand? you know we're going to say that it's not a good idea to see him tomorrow but sometimes you just need the closure. it honestly will get better, though. sometimes it helps to just cry. can you get out of the apartment deal? maybe saving some money would be better. sometimes it's bad to make big decisions like that when you're under emotional stress like this.
    i hope you start feeling better soon. it will take some time but it will happen
    I don't like pickles

  6. #6
    DoTheDamnThing Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by MonitorShoeboxOfLies View Post
    Everything you feel is how break-ups work. They suck. They suck real hard. They are not any fun. They ARE roller coasters of emotions. You DO feel like crap. But it does get better. And, honestly, it makes it 08248234 times harder if you see them afterwards. It hurts so much more, because it just prolongs the entire process. He made his decision. You need to live with it. Change his number in your phone to "do not talk to him" or something, as silly as it sounds, so that way you constantly remind yourself every time you go to call or text him that you should not be talking to him.
    Why would he even want to see me? He's the one who did this.

    Quote Originally Posted by ilovepickles11 View Post
    i'm so sorry to hear were there any signs of it beforehand? you know we're going to say that it's not a good idea to see him tomorrow but sometimes you just need the closure. it honestly will get better, though. sometimes it helps to just cry. can you get out of the apartment deal? maybe saving some money would be better. sometimes it's bad to make big decisions like that when you're under emotional stress like this.
    i hope you start feeling better soon. it will take some time but it will happen
    Were there signs? Yes and no. We were fighting about a million little things, but that's not really any different than the norm for us. Just Wednesday we had such a good night together, and Friday we were supposed to see a movie together but instead he broke up with me. On Wednesday I was joking about April Fools day and making up different pranks and I said I'd break up with him as an April fools joke. HAHAH JOKES ON ME. I could probably get out of the apartment, I'd just lose my security deposit money. Which, at this point, I don't care about.

    At this point, I don't want to see him. I just want to scream in his face. But at the same time I do want to see him, I want to understand why.

    The thought of going through the motions of the work week makes me physically ill. I don't know how I'm going to do it.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
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    10,885
    Maybe moving into your own place and doing your thing would be good for you. I would stick with the apartment. It could be a great time to be independent. Have fun decorating and focusing on your new life.

    Other than that, do something you've always wanted to do. Invest in your hobbies. Have a girls night. And know that you will find someone is a better fit for you. It's okay that things feel awful right now, but they won't forever. You'll be much happier with someone else in the future.
    Give a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day. Light a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
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    8,459
    I agree with everyone else. I think you should still move out. Now, I understand completely where you're coming from with the money issue (I'm a recent grad with thousands in debt as well), but I think that moving out will almost FORCE you to move on. Because you're making so many other changes in your life, the change of being single won't feel so overwhelming and consuming. But you know yourself best, and if you think the stress of a move would push you too much, then by all means stay. I'm sure your parents don't mind.

    I'm really sorry to hear about the breakup. I know you really cared about him, and went out of your way to make him happy. I hope you feel better soon. Breakups are the worst
    More than anything I want to see you, girl
    Take a glorious bite out of the whole world ♥

  9. #9
    DoTheDamnThing Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by Aldous Huxley View Post
    Maybe moving into your own place and doing your thing would be good for you. I would stick with the apartment. It could be a great time to be independent. Have fun decorating and focusing on your new life.

    Other than that, do something you've always wanted to do. Invest in your hobbies. Have a girls night. And know that you will find someone is a better fit for you. It's okay that things feel awful right now, but they won't forever. You'll be much happier with someone else in the future.
    You put that really well. Seriously. Thank you. I'm still up in the air about the apartment, but I just bought new a new bedding set that I'm really excited about...so I'm trying to think about it in my new apartment.

    Quote Originally Posted by Joanne View Post
    Ilm so sorry Breakups are AWFUL. You need to keep concentrating on the moving forward aspect. You won;t want to move now I understand, but getting out of there is better for you now. Surround yourself with your family and friends, or anyone that makes you feel good. Just take each day as it cmes.
    Blahh it's so hard. I feel like all of my friends are out of town so that's making it really tough...but right now I almost prefer to be alone.

    Quote Originally Posted by Guns N' Rachel View Post
    If I were you I'd still move. Right after I moved for college my boyfriend of almost 3 years and I broke up, and I really feel like I got over it so quickly because I was in a new place with a different routine and I wasn't around a place that reminded me of him. Even if you're still going to be in the same area, I think just being in a different home environment will help.
    Yeahh. I guess you're right. I keep going back and forth. One second being super excited and the next wanting nothing to do with it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Bee. View Post
    I agree with everyone else. I think you should still move out. Now, I understand completely where you're coming from with the money issue (I'm a recent grad with thousands in debt as well), but I think that moving out will almost FORCE you to move on. Because you're making so many other changes in your life, the change of being single won't feel so overwhelming and consuming. But you know yourself best, and if you think the stress of a move would push you too much, then by all means stay. I'm sure your parents don't mind.

    I'm really sorry to hear about the breakup. I know you really cared about him, and went out of your way to make him happy. I hope you feel better soon. Breakups are the worst
    I've been wanting to move out of this state since I graduated, but I stuck around cause he was here and wouldn't make any plans to leave. So I finally just said **** it and found an apartment here. I made the choice based on our relationship which was soo dumb. If I forfeit my deposit and save for a couple months I could move to the beach or to Colorado where my friend just moved to and that would definitely force me to move on.

    And that's the thing...in my last relationship I didn't care. This one I decided to care and put in time and effort...and look where it got me. It's so frustrating. Guys like me so much better when I don't give a **** apparently. I keep going between anger and sadness. I talked to him today. I was talking about all the times we laughed and were silly together (because that's all I can think about right now, eventhough he checked out of the relationship a long time ago and has been a total dick to me) and he told me "Oh...well i don't remember our relationship like that." Huge slap in the face. This sucks. I always thought he was so sweet and nice...I asked my friend how he got so mean, she said maybe he's been mean all along...love is blind.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    May 2011
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    3,337
    do you have a job where you are now? is it a good job? i'm sure you can sublease your apartment if you want or forfeit the deposit, but moving for your one friend may not be any smarter than staying for your boyfriend was if your job is where you are now. getting the hell out of your current state and job-searching elsewhere could be a good project for you to get your mind off of the break up. when i lived by myself my junior year of college, it really encouraged me to get out and meet people. this was also after a big break up.
    the early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

  11. #11
    DoTheDamnThing Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by broccoliandchz View Post
    do you have a job where you are now? is it a good job? i'm sure you can sublease your apartment if you want or forfeit the deposit, but moving for your one friend may not be any smarter than staying for your boyfriend was if your job is where you are now. getting the hell out of your current state and job-searching elsewhere could be a good project for you to get your mind off of the break up. when i lived by myself my junior year of college, it really encouraged me to get out and meet people. this was also after a big break up.
    Yeah I have a job now...well, I have 2. I enjoy them. My new place is less than 10 minutes from where I work, compared to the 30-40 min commute(due to rush hour) I have now. I guess I'll give the apartment a try, I can always move out. I'm just so sad at the thought that I'm going to be all by myself...that wasn't the mindset I went in to it with.

    HOWEVER, it's really hilarious the guys that are coming out of the wood work now that I'm facebook official single. I liked this guy's status about wanting to get the **** out of where we live. 10 minutes later he messaged me, havent talked to him in 4 years. My status is "Unless prince charming comes riding up in his Ferrari with a diamond I'm not interested. Dont even look at me." This guy messaged me "do I count as prince charming?" He's super sexy so I should probably just say yes hahah. Another guy who I used to talk to who who is engaged texted me yesterday saying how he always thought that I'd make a great gf for him, he misses hanging out with me, he wishes he could clone himself for me, blah blah blah. HELLO, too soon you dumb *******s. I want zero male attention right now.

    I started crying at work today. I was actually laughing hysterically and then it just turned in to me sobbing. Good lord, I'm a ****ing mess.

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