April 5, 2012 10:58 AM
I didn't drink or eat a greasy takeaway on monday night, yay!
But the last few days have been grim, I feel really down on myself and i've gotten to this place where I feel like I've taken binge eating from myself when it was the only thing that brought me happiness and stress relief and left myself with nothing to pick myself up. It's silly to feel that way, because I know it never did bring me happiness anyway but I don't know, it was an easy cop out, now I feel like I have to struggle every day
April 5, 2012 01:24 PM
eugh..awful cravings, fighting the urge to binge with absolutely everything right now. I'm going to hang out with my friend, which tbh only makes this harder because I have to act like im not going crazy inside, I can't just sulk and wait for this to pass I have to so******e and that's seeming really difficult right now.
I shall report back tomorrow on how this went
April 9, 2012 10:27 AM
I didnt end up binging that day, and I felt awesome and it's really motivated me
I've been doing really well ever since, and starting to feel lots better about everything.
Where I was:
-Struggled to make it through one day without binging
-Over eating at every single meal
-Consuming tons of fries
-Extremely sedentary lifestyle
-Only ever interested in food
-Unable to enjoy anything other than food
Where I am now:
-I only get the urge to binge about once per week
-My portion sizes have decreased dramatically I eat until I'm just full and no more, however I still find myself eating until I'm uncomfortably full maybe once per week
-I stopped eating fries for 50 days and it really broke down my habit, I only allow myself to eat fries at the weekend, and it really doesnt bother me at all
-I find I crave chocolate a lot more than I used to, I was never a chocolate person in the past, I didnt mind it, but I found it too sweet and sickening, but I seem to crave chocolate everyday now
-I'm starting to really take an interest in other things, I can enjoy spending time with my friends, scrapbooking, going for walks, watching movies etc.
-I walk every where and lead a pretty active lifestyle but I don't get any high intensity cardio
Where I'd like to be in a month:
-The urge to binge once per week I can cope with, but in a month I'd like to be in a place where I can ALWAYS control that urge
-I want my portion sizes to be put right 100% of the time
-Cut down my chocolate consumption
-Cardio 2 days per week
April 10, 2012 04:51 PM
okaay, I'm cutting down my chocolate intake and already finding that I'm craving it a lot less, in future I'd love to be in a place where chocolate is an occasional treat instead of a daily habit. Having said that I'm consuming way less chocolate daily than I was a month ago, for the last while i've been eating a small 100cal or less bar of chocolate each day instead of eating snickers, twix, dairy milk, chocolate muffins, chocolate cookies or donuts etc. which are at least 250cal. I know 100cal per day isnt much but I don't think i should be compulsively eating chocolate everyday
Another big focus from this point is increasing my physical activity, I'm still way too idle, to be honest the weather is often terrible, and it's not really safe to be out and about during the morning or evening where I live so I'll need to find ways of working activity into my daily life, here's what i'm thinking:
-gym membership which will allow me to go to lots of classes for free as well as using the gym whenever I want for as long as I want. I think 2 classes and 2 cardio sessions per week would be a nice starting point for me
-I found these tv workout games which I'm gonna start using because I do spend a lot of my evenings at home by myself, watching tv..it'd be good to get a little bit of physical activity in
-Walk home from college everyday, make de-tours on the way as I walk through town on the way home, there's no rush to get home to sit in the house all day
I've now been 1 week binge free and I feel so good!
I'm focusing on cutting down on chocolate, increasing physical activity and making my 2nd binge free week.
Success is going to be the sum of all smart choices made on my part, each small choice I make everyday is what stands between me and happiness. Each time I go a full day without chocolate, I get up and go work out or take the long way home or more importantly, choose not to binge, im getting closer
April 11, 2012 04:47 PM
I had a chocolate bar today, not especially gutted but obviously not stoked about it either. So far this last week it's been every other day, so I can't really complain about that, I've taken it from a daily thing to every other day and I'll continue bringing that down
I didn't over eat or binge at all today, well into my 2nd binge free week..yay!
April 11, 2012 10:39 PM
well it's currently 4:30am & I just had a little mini binge, which I'm kind of confused by and obviously really gutted and I feel so set back by it :/
I couldnt sleep tonight and i've been lying here frustrated and bored for hours and for some reason I decided that I had to have this package of pasta that I bought for my lunch tomorrow, I demolished that, then ate 2 large chocolate muffins and some chocolates. It all amounts to about 1600cal, yes better than my old binges of well over 3000, but still enough to have me feeling like shit.
going to go to the gym in the morning and work out, more or less just to put my mind at ease about this whole thing.
Gonna take this as a wake up call, I need to stop lying on my ass all day, because if im going to be so awake at night that I end up binging that tells me I need to be more active during the day
April 15, 2012 03:32 PM
I bounced back from the other night and had a couple of good days. I went out for a meal last night and ate quite a lot but I was really shocked because usually I could eat a steak burger, fries, salad followed by toffee cake and dessert, absolutely no problem at all. Last night I was stuffed after half the burger and half the fries, no dessert, i'm so happy about that because I feel like it really shows the progress I've made in terms of portion control.
The way I think about food has really changed in that I used to have to have a big portion of whatever I was eating, now I can see that big portions don't always leave you more satisfied, if anything I've found big portions drive me to eat more for some reason.
I did bake cupcakes for my friends birthday last night and guess what?..I ate a ton of batter, icing and cake. Shocking. yeah i'm pissed with myself but I won't be doing it again anytime soon.
This week I want to focus on getting off my ass more
April 17, 2012 08:28 AM
still feeling good, I'm noticing I have the urge to eat much bigger portions and I'm craving junk food pretty much all the time right now. Along with that I've also felt pretty down and depressed, I have a feeling the two are closely related. I haven't had my period for 3 years due to the implant but this is the last two months and i'm begining to notice my hormones going crazy this last while. So i figure I'm either experiencing pms like symptoms or i'm down and thus wanting to eat more
Thankfully I've been able to control myself, no binges, no overeating and I've kept junk food to a minimum. I've also just had braces fitted, so hopefully that will keep me in check until this weird phase passes
April 18, 2012 02:36 PM
Eugh why have I got constant cravings for junk, especially chocolate? I've had 2 chocolate bars today, wtf?!
On top of that my weight has been stuck on 7.7 stone for almost 2 weeks. I need to remind myself that this is a permanent change, it doesn't matter how quickly the weight comes off, it will eventually and my habits are soo much better than they were a few months ago
My extra junk cravings wouldn't be such a concern if I didn't spend every day doing nothing, literally, nothing. I wake up, go to college, sit in a chair between 9-1pm come home and spend the rest of the night lying down. I don't know how to get more activity into my day, I have nothing to do other than walk home after college. But i'm so sedentary that I'm surprised I even maintained my weight at 7.7 stone. I need to find something to do asap, I want to walk more but I don't even know where I could walk to, I'll get myself a gym membership at the end of the month when I get paid
I really just think I'm so down and depressed right now, I don't know what to do with myself to be honest :/
April 18, 2012 04:35 PM
okay, no more of this shit, I need to take control.
-finish ethics assignment
-Help friend with beauty assignment
-walk into town
-Buy new clothes
-Take long way home
April 22, 2012 12:49 PM
The weekend has gone extremely well, im just now sitting down to my first piece of chocolate (: I aim to make it through this week without ruining my efforts, I feel like I'm right on the edge lately, like I'm seconds away from throwing it all away and starting a massive binge and I feel like if I start into a binge now I don't have the willpower or inner strength to stop it from becoming a habit again, so i'm worried and I'm really focusing on distracting myself and trying to bring my mood up
-Tonight i'm going to clean my bedroom and throw a whole bunch of stuff out, and work on my assignments. Hopefully this will mean a nice, tidy place to relax and less stress from college work
-Tomorrow I will take a long walk home, hang out with my boyfriend
-Also I want to try to make plans for the rest of the week, just to ensure that I'm not sat around dwelling on how I feel and wanting to binge.
I'm really trying to be more positive and stop over-thinking everything
April 22, 2012 07:12 PM
worked my ass off tidying my room and got some of my assignment done, way more of both to work on tomorrow though. it felt so good to be on my feet all evening, instead of lying almost horizontal for hours on end
I'm so tired and I feel kind of crappy and emotional, I just want to eat and not have to think about stopping. But I have to keep reminding myself that that's no way to live and I was so unhappy.
& I guess I feel really frustrated because I havent lost any weight in weeks, despite my diet going really well and I know in the back of my mind it the lack of physical activity that's holding me back
April 23, 2012 09:10 AM
eugh, well i'm so stressed with school and far too tired to do anything about it at all..blah
I just want junk food
April 24, 2012 04:26 PM
eugh, so I woke up at 4am and came downstairs and binged a little, I only consumed about 1000cal, so it's not the end of the world but still, I thought I had put this behind me.
Today was okay..ish, I baked cake and ate a lot of it, mostly due to how discouraged I felt after last night, I know I shouldn't be baking in the first place but I felt like I really needed something to do instead of sitting around bored, lonely and frustrated with myself. I feel like I've fallen into the same trap as I was in a few months ago, I'm eating way too little, meaning I have no energy and thus don't get anywhere near enough exercise to lose weight and making a binge inevitable at some stage because I've deprived myself for so long.
I ate more today, had lots more energy and felt way better/didn't feel the need to binge.
April 26, 2012 02:56 AM
things are really going better, this last few days i've felt better than i have in ages. Today I plan on;
-Pampering myself, nails, eyebrows, waxing, tan etc
-finish my bedroom
-take a walk into town later
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