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  1. #1
    Ride or Die Guest

    Do your boyfriends ever make you feel like you're not good enough?

    This seems to be a redundant theme with my relationships.

    My boyfriend now has had one serious relationship besides me and the girl is a well-off, spoiled, only child who seems to have always been able to afford the best type of clothes and makeup. I have not, I've always made do with what I could get but my boyfriend is a lot more superficial than that, and I suspect it's her influence.
    Latest example that spurred this thread: I said I was looking forward to getting a MAC gift card for christmas to finally get some good quality makeup for myself. He goes and tells me his ex told him MAC is crap because she works at the Bay and knows about this stuff. Like, seriously? Thanks a lot.

    My ex before that preferred blondes and loves karaoke, I'm a brunette and can't sing at all.

    Before that I was with a guy who preferred latinas who could dance, I'm not latina and have absolutely no rhythm. He would also often hint that I should lose weight.

    And before that, I was with a guy who had baggage with his super athletic ex and he would always mention how I should get into shape. He even told me he liked "muscular thighs" lol.. like his butch ex, who he ended up leaving me for.

    I'm really sick of being compared to something I'm just not, why can't I seem to find someone who just loves me the way I am? Am I somehow ending up with guys like this or do they all do this? I'm seriously wondering.
    If any guys are reading this, STOP IT. You're ALWAYS supposed to make your girlfriend feel like a million bucks and like you wouldn't change a thing about her!

  2. #2
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    i just wanna say that there are definitely guys out there who won't make you feel like that. i finally met my bf and he tells me he wouldn't change anything about me, tells me i'm beautiful, that he admires me, and etc. and i went through some REAL jerks before i met him, who would say some stuff that made me feel like "less." i mean, no guy is perfect and sometimes they're gonna slip and say something that hurts your feelings or ticks you off, but you have to look at the big picture with how they make you feel. have you ever talked to him about this? if, overall, your bf makes you feel unhappy and hasn't made any effort to change the behavior that upsets you, then maybe it's time to find a new boyfriend (preferably one with no fresh "ex" baggage).

    btw... what kind of weirdo gives their girlfriend advice on what brand of make-up to buy?

  3. #3
    Ride or Die Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by Castles View Post
    i just wanna say that there are definitely guys out there who won't make you feel like that. i finally met my bf and he tells me he wouldn't change anything about me, tells me i'm beautiful, that he admires me, and etc. and i went through some REAL jerks before i met him, who would say some stuff that made me feel like "less." i mean, no guy is perfect and sometimes they're gonna slip and say something that hurts your feelings or ticks you off, but you have to look at the big picture with how they make you feel. have you ever talked to him about this? if, overall, your bf makes you feel unhappy and hasn't made any effort to change the behavior that upsets you, then maybe it's time to find a new boyfriend (preferably one with no fresh "ex" baggage).

    btw... what kind of weirdo gives their girlfriend advice on what brand of make-up to buy?
    Hahaha yeah, that was actually his defence for telling me that: "I'm a guy, I know nothing about makeup so I have no other opinion about it other than what she said" ... -.-

    I know I'm making him sound terrible, he does tell me I'm beautiful and all that... but then there's the comments about my fashion sense (or lack thereof) and lower quality clothes and it hurts more just because I feel like it's a comparison to her who was obviously better than me in that department. We've had talks about it in the past, and he did improve actually. Tonight was the first time she was directly brought up like that though. I am very happy most of the time, but then sometimes I can feel that baggage being carried around. I wish I knew what it was like to be with someone who was just over it.

  4. #4
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    Toward the end of my relationship with my last ex boyfriend, I also felt feelings of inadequacies. Not for the same reasons as you but different reasons. The way he valued his time and the little effort he put toward me, made me feel invaluable to him and not worth his attention. I think I could have saved myself some extra hurt had I took it seriously as soon as my gut said it didn't feel right. If you continue to feel inadequate, do yourself a favor and walk away. Everyone deserves someone who wouldn't change you, values your time, and wants you. Right now I'm dating someone who makes me feel all those things I listed, I'm sure you can find someone that will make you feel the same way.
    Formerly ReadingRainbow and Photo Lass.

  5. #5
    A man shouldn't care about how expensive your clothes and make up are. That's just shallow. In some ways, it sounds like he just got into habits with his ex and is now sort of 'trained' to think like that and automatically states her opinions on those things because he probably heard her talk about them a lot. Because to be honest, he probably DOESN'T know or care THAT much about clothes or make up, but the ex probably talked about it and so he just took up her opinions since he didn't have any about it.

    Either way, he shouldn't care about things like that. I mean yes, if you never brushed your hair or washed your clothes, I would understand him having something to complain about. But if someone wastes less money on (ultimately trivial) things like clothes and make up, that is definitely not a reason to be making you feel bad about yourself.

    It's possible he's not doing it on purpose, so talk to him. Tell him you buy what you can afford and that you don't like how he acts like that's not enough, especially when compared to his ex. If he keeps doing it, if you keep feeling like less, then dump him and find someone who does love you for you, I promise they exist.

    Edit: I've always bought all my make up from Target and half my clothes come from Goodwill, even when I can afford 'nicer' things. I'd rather not waste my money, and I've never met a guy who complained about it. In fact, most guys I know STILL think I spend too much on clothes and whatnot, even though I am very thrifty about it. It really is kind of weird that he cares that much about it.
    You need m'lovins!

    I've been a member of this site on and off for over seven years under different user names. =]

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  6. #6
    Ride or Die Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by TizzyTimebomb View Post
    A man shouldn't care about how expensive your clothes and make up are. That's just shallow. In some ways, it sounds like he just got into habits with his ex and is now sort of 'trained' to think like that and automatically states her opinions on those things because he probably heard her talk about them a lot. Because to be honest, he probably DOESN'T know or care THAT much about clothes or make up, but the ex probably talked about it and so he just took up her opinions since he didn't have any about it.
    I think you hit the nail on the head. In a way he just wants the best for me (and himself) by preferring brand name, high quality clothes, but on the other hand I feel like it's not him necessarily, I feel like it came from her. That's what bothers me. I feel like he should just be over it and stop living as if her lifestyle if the golden rule we should all abide by, it's really pathetic. I'm tired of being second best.

  7. #7
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    MACs amazing. what do you plan on getting? tell him to stfu.
    God got a virgin pregnant by magic. If he's not playing by the rules; nor am I.

    BUS WANKER!

  8. #8
    Ride or Die Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by Beautyfrom-pain View Post
    MACs amazing. what do you plan on getting? tell him to stfu.
    Hahah thanks! Probably foundation and bronzer. Maybe primer, concealer, and powder too, I really don't know how necessary those are though, I've only ever used foundation. Guess it depends on how good of a saleslady I end up working with lol.

  9. #9
    Only once. I dated him about 2 years ago. He was a jerk though. He didn't want me talking to his roommates, wouldnt let me meet his parents, didn't want me at his house. Like, it was ridiculous.

    But it isn't a recurring theme. I don't think it is normal for that to happen. Maybe up your standards? And by that, I mean be more stingy with what you offer to guys before you start dating. Like if you always make out on the first date, try waiting until like the third date to even kiss him or if he wants to see you, make him come to your house, don't always go to see him, especially in the beginning.
    ~*~ What the hell is a Grand Poofta? ~*~

    'Dear Diary, Please tell Jerrod to SHUT THE HELL UP! From, Byron'
    'Dear Diary, Byron talked to me today. YES! Love, Jerrod'
    -The Force Band Camp 2008

  10. #10
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    I once dated a guy who told me I needed to work out for at least an hour a day and that I needed to dye my hair black. He tried to control me and make me into this "perfect" person for him and I didn't want to deal with it so I left him. I then found my boyfriend who loves me for exactly who I am. He never compares me to anyone and he could care less about what brand my clothes are..he wouldn't even care if i never wore makeup.
    I would definitely be upset if I was in you position. It sounds as if he is comparing you to his ex way more than he should be. I would talk to him about it first though. Perhaps he is just stupid and doesn't realize that it hurts your feelings.
    I don't like pickles

  11. #11
    Join Date
    May 2004
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    1,569
    I have never dated a guy that made me feel like that. So no, not all guys are like that. Sounds like you've had some bad luck with guys who are still hung up on their ex girlfriends.
    ~Lacey~

    Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
    You are my only one
    I'd let go, but there's just no one, no one like you
    You are my only, my only one

    I'm breathing in your skin tonight, quiet is my loudest cry. I would not want to wake the eyes that make me melt inside. And if it's healthier to let you be, may a sickness come and set me free. Kill me while I still believe that you were meant for me.

  12. #12
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    i might get slammed for this, but it seems like the problem is you and not the guys youre dating. a healthy, confident woman would probably just lol at his mac comment and move along with their lives because really...who cares what he says about that. if i said somthing to my bf about my car preferences itd prob go in one ear and out the other. andd everyone has preferances in looks and stuff. i can get why youd be upset if a bf was bringing up stuff like that all the time but one random, offhanded comment when you see someone he thinks is hott on tv or whatever is nothing to get worked up over. im getting the feeling those are the kind of instances you were talking about due to the way you reacted to the mac thing but i could be wrong. sorry if i am and they were actually trying to control you...still in those instaces you need to walk away rather than let yourself be treatedlike ****.
    the early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

  13. #13
    Ride or Die Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by broccoliandchz View Post
    i might get slammed for this, but it seems like the problem is you and not the guys youre dating. a healthy, confident woman would probably just lol at his mac comment and move along with their lives because really...who cares what he says about that. if i said somthing to my bf about my car preferences itd prob go in one ear and out the other. andd everyone has preferances in looks and stuff. i can get why youd be upset if a bf was bringing up stuff like that all the time but one random, offhanded comment when you see someone he thinks is hott on tv or whatever is nothing to get worked up over. im getting the feeling those are the kind of instances you were talking about due to the way you reacted to the mac thing but i could be wrong. sorry if i am and they were actually trying to control you...still in those instaces you need to walk away rather than let yourself be treatedlike ****.
    I actually am very confident lol even though it might not seem that way with this thread. It's not that he criticized me, it's that what he told me came from his ex and he said it as if it must be fact because she knows so much better than me about makeup and such. It's the comparison to the ex that kills, like she's some sort of ideal I need to live up to. Random comments about celebrities or whatever is really not an issue.

    It's like your example about car preferences, if you told your bf you prefer audi over mercedes even though he prefers mercedes, then whatever. But if you know nothing about cars and say that your ex said audi was better than mercedes so it must be that way, there's a big difference.

  14. #14
    i think it sounds like he was just trying to help you, not compare you to his ex. he knows that MAC is expensive and perhaps not worth it and someone he knows who is really into makeup told him that - it just happens to be his ex.

    some of my male friends are really into music and i hear them overtalking about different cables and companies for sound systems. my boyfriend is also into music but not as much. if my boyfriend said that he was looking at getting some skull candy headphones I would tell him that my friend who is into music suggests getting a different brand because skullcandy sucks. it doesn't mean i want my boyfriend to be like my friend, i just know that my friend has put a lot of time into researching this stuff and i don't want my boyfriend to spend a bunch of money on a product that isn't as good.

  15. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by Ride or Die View Post
    I actually am very confident lol even though it might not seem that way with this thread. It's not that he criticized me, it's that what he told me came from his ex and he said it as if it must be fact because she knows so much better than me about makeup and such. It's the comparison to the ex that kills, like she's some sort of ideal I need to live up to. Random comments about celebrities or whatever is really not an issue.

    It's like your example about car preferences, if you told your bf you prefer audi over mercedes even though he prefers mercedes, then whatever. But if you know nothing about cars and say that your ex said audi was better than mercedes so it must be that way, there's a big difference.
    It sounds like he was just trying to help you out. As a guy, he probably knows next to nothing about hair and make up. This didn't sound like a random subject either, it sounds like you brought it up and he was just relaying information. Because, honestly, if she works some place that deals with make up and she knows brands like that, then she is probably right.

    I may get yelled at but you honestly sound jealous. It sounds like you are the one comparing yourself to their ex's, not the other way around. He didn't compare you to her at all. I don't know anything about make up because I don't wear any but if someone who knows a lot about make up says MAC is crap, i'd take their word for it.

    And you talk about his ex like she's mean and snobby in your first post. All that was really unnecessary yet you felt the need to include it anyway. What does her being well off and rich have to do with his comment? Nothing. Sounds like you aren't that comfortable with yourself.
    ~*~ What the hell is a Grand Poofta? ~*~

    'Dear Diary, Please tell Jerrod to SHUT THE HELL UP! From, Byron'
    'Dear Diary, Byron talked to me today. YES! Love, Jerrod'
    -The Force Band Camp 2008

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