July 26, 2011 03:30 PM
Being with a cheater
Are there any girls here who have stayed/gotten back together with a boyfriend who had cheated on them? If so, please share stories. I'm wondering if you ever ended up trusting them again and how long it took you to get over it? Do you believe once a cheater always a cheater?
I might post my lovely story in a bit .
September 1, 2011 10:45 AM
i think im gunna stay with him.
thats all i can say. i cant talk about it now. it hurts too much.
September 1, 2011 11:37 AM
My boyfriend cheated on me 3 years ago by kissing another girl while drunk at a party. He also been texting her alot and hung out with her (never alone) with his friends more than with me for probably a solid couple weeks. The kissing incident ended it, though. He never told me right away, but when pictures of the two of them very buddy-buddy showed up on Facebook, I just had a feeling something went down. That weekend, he ended up admitting it to me and I was obviously upset. I told him that if we were going to stay together that he couldn't talk to her or hang out at his one friend's apartment where she always was. He followed with my requests and we stayed together. I'm not sure when exactly I began to trust him again, just after a while I stopped thinking about it and now it's been so long and I'm so over it that it doesn't even really bother me anymore because I know it's in the past.
September 1, 2011 12:32 PM
To start off, no I don't believe "once a cheater always a cheater" but it depends on the person, because there are definitely serial cheaters out there. But no, not everyone who ever cheats will necessarily do it again.
A couple weeks after we started dating, my boyfriend got drunk and made out with some random girl at a party. Two and a half years later we're still together and happy. But I have to say, it was a long ugly and draining road full of arguments and fights for months and months after, forgiving it was a very difficult thing to do, and although I can say now I do completely forgive him, it was a hard and long process and I don't think I could do it again, with anyone. It was hard on him too, he got really emotional about it and I saw him cry way more times in the first couple months of our relationship than anyone normally would. He spent alot of time feeling like he'd wrecked us. Although I don't regret staying, I don't think I'd even try to forgive anyone for cheating again, I'd just walk away. I can't say exactly how long it took, I'm not the most trusting person to begin with. I can say it probably took at least a year/year and a half before I could think about it without getting mad or upset. We didnt talk about it everyday for a year or anything, we'd try to ignore it, but it would come up from time to time and I couldnt talk about it without heated emotions. You have to be able to forgive to the point that you won't bring it up, you won't throw it in his face in other arguments or issues. You have to make complete peace with it.
To me, the only way I could have even stayed was with the circumstances as they were. The fact that he called and told me almost right away made a big difference. He could have easily gotten away with it, it was out of town and I never would have known. But he couldn't live with it and told me the truth straight up. Had he hidden it or had I found out another way, that would have been it. Also, because it wasnt very far into the relationship, we werent serious then, not in love yet, and I hadn't built alot of trust up for him at that point in the first place. I could never accept being betrayed in a long term relationship, if someone I'd spent years building a relationship with did that, there's no way I could forgive it. If there had been any pre meditation, talk beforehand, feelings, I couldn't have stayed. The fact that it was completely random and not like he'd met some girl and gotten close and then it had happened made it different for me. If it was someone he knew beforehand, I don't think I could have forgiven it because I wouldn't be able to shake the feeling that there must be some feelings there. I also probably couldn't have gotten over it if it had been anything more than kissing, even the thought of that made me completely sick to my stomach.
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