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  1. #1
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    I don't know how to say this without sounding needy

    So I guess just bear with me.

    When I was dating my ex, we were each other's lives pretty much. Texting 24/7, we always knew what the other was doing, both always wanting to hang out with each other, etc. Our lives revolved around each other.
    My boyfriend isn't like this. He has a life, and it makes me feel "unwanted" or like he doesn't care as much as I do. He can go hours without texting me. He doesn't always tell me what he's doing (not hiding it, but you know what I'm saying) and I just can't really get used to it because the insecure part of me keeps over analyzing it. I'm used to being needed by someone.

    I kind of want to tell him but I don't know how too without sounding incredibly clingy or needy. I wouldn't even know what to say lol. Advice?

  2. #2
    BreakDownxx Guest
    You can tell him to maybe text more often and just randomly surprise you with stuff so you don't feel ignored all the time.

    ..Only if he doesn't scare easily with this neediness.

  3. #3
    Quote Originally Posted by PlayboyMommy View Post
    you need to keep busy. i'm not trying to sound rude but if you had more things to do/lived your life like he does, he'd probably be on your mind less often. take up a class or something?
    i don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to get more busy with your significant other. i don't think either the op or her boyfriend are in the wrong... i'm a little concerned with how long a relationship can last if the people are different in this regard though. honestly, a relationship where the couple is always together or a relationship where the couple spends more time apart can both be healthy but only if both partners are looking for the same kind of relationship.

    i don't mean to scare op, i don't think this relationship is doomed or anything, but i don't think it's inappropriate for you to ask him to send a couple more texts so you know what he's up to because you love him and are curious haha. good luck.

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by BreakDownxx View Post
    You can tell him to maybe text more often and just randomly surprise you with stuff so you don't feel ignored all the time.

    ..Only if he doesn't scare easily with this neediness.
    That's the thing /: I don't know if he would or not. We've been together for 5 months so we're not really newish anymore...I don't know
    Quote Originally Posted by MonitorPooptarts View Post
    i don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to get more busy with your significant other. i don't think either the op or her boyfriend are in the wrong... i'm a little concerned with how long a relationship can last if the people are different in this regard though. honestly, a relationship where the couple is always together or a relationship where the couple spends more time apart can both be healthy but only if both partners are looking for the same kind of relationship.

    i don't mean to scare op, i don't think this relationship is doomed or anything, but i don't think it's inappropriate for you to ask him to send a couple more texts so you know what he's up to because you love him and are curious haha. good luck.
    So you think I should ask him to do that type of stuff? I don't want him to think I want him to txt me what he's doing because I don't trust him or am nosy, I'm just genuinely curious and whatnot.



    Ugh Thanks you guyss.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by PlayboyMommy View Post
    you need to keep busy. i'm not trying to sound rude but if you had more things to do/lived your life like he does, he'd probably be on your mind less often. take up a class or something?
    I just started working and I thought that would help, but when it's less busy I'm constantly trying to text him back, thinking about him, etc.

    I don't know if I'm just a needy person like this and this is who I am, or I'm still stuck in this "habit" that I had with my ex.

  6. #6
    BreakDownxx Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by Dane Cook View Post
    That's the thing /: I don't know if he would or not. We've been together for 5 months so we're not really newish anymore...I don't know

    .
    How did he react the last time you acted needy (not necessarily with texting/calling)?

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by BreakDownxx View Post
    How did he react the last time you acted needy (not necessarily with texting/calling)?
    I've never really done anything to sound needy so I don't know. I mean he knows I'm insecure, but I don't know if he knows how that affects my mentality.

  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Dane Cook View Post
    That's the thing /: I don't know if he would or not. We've been together for 5 months so we're not really newish anymore...I don't know

    So you think I should ask him to do that type of stuff? I don't want him to think I want him to txt me what he's doing because I don't trust him or am nosy, I'm just genuinely curious and whatnot.



    Ugh Thanks you guyss.
    Well I can definitely understand why you would be hesitant to, and I would be the same. Unfortunately I can't really give any advice that I know will work because I've never had to deal with a situation like this. Just try to keep it as far away from blaming him as possible (because he isn't doing anything wrong). And I wouldn't mention your last relationship lol, I don't think anyone likes being compared to exes.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by MonitorPooptarts View Post
    Well I can definitely understand why you would be hesitant to, and I would be the same. Unfortunately I can't really give any advice that I know will work because I've never had to deal with a situation like this. Just try to keep it as far away from blaming him as possible (because he isn't doing anything wrong). And I wouldn't mention your last relationship lol, I don't think anyone likes being compared to exes.
    I'm definitely good at doing that lol

    Maybe I should just keep this to myself or see if we have like a heart to heart conversation soon; we have those sometimes lol. Just wait this out and see. And like, I can't even go to my friends about it because when I explain the situation I explain it from my point of view and it sounds paranoid which makes them think the worst which makes me think the worst.
    Someone just needs to tell me that it's okay that he has his own life and still loves me lol.

  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Dane Cook View Post
    I'm definitely good at doing that lol

    Maybe I should just keep this to myself or see if we have like a heart to heart conversation soon; we have those sometimes lol. Just wait this out and see. And like, I can't even go to my friends about it because when I explain the situation I explain it from my point of view and it sounds paranoid which makes them think the worst which makes me think the worst.
    Someone just needs to tell me that it's okay that he has his own life and still loves me lol.
    Well it is definitely okay! He obviously loves you. If you are fine with keeping it to yourself with no danger of blowing it out of proportion when it does come up (sometimes I do this, keep unimportant things to myself until one day when my mood and hormones are right I explode and it's awful), then try doing that. I don't think you have anything to worry about. And try filling your time up with something that you enjoy.. if you're not liking work then your mind will obviously be drawn to things you do like (i.e. your boyfriend!). If you are doing things you enjoy you are less likely to have your mind wandering to him.

  11. #11
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    Sep 2008
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    It's okay that he has his own life. He still loves you. There.

    For real though. Just because his life doesn't revolve around you, doesn't mean he likes you any less. In fact, it's a good thing. Could you imagine being around him 24/7? And if you absolutely had to separate, he was constantly texting you? Sure, it may sound good right now, but after a week, I'm positive your opinion would differ. I know you and He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named, (VOLDEMORT), had a different type of relationship, but each guy is different. To be frank, your boyfriend now isn't as clingy as your old guy.

    Like other people said, stay busy. You have your job, school, and friends. If you focus on those things instead of him, it'll give you more to talk about when he is available to text you/when you are together.

    You two still need to function independently, even though you're boyfriend/girlfriend. Let him live his life, and you live yours. I know it sucks, and no, I don't think you sound paranoid. I just don't think you're used to his attitude towards a relationship.

    I'm going to be the odd one out here and say that you shouldn't mention this to him for now. He doesn't sound like the needy type, and, based on that, I don't think he would have a positive reaction to a needy request. If you really want to become more involved with his life, when you're together, ask him, "So, what did you do this week?" If he says something like he was at a lacrosse game, you could say, "Oh, you should tell me next time you have a game. I want to see you play!" But outright telling him that he should text you more might scare him away.

  12. #12
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    Okay, I'm just going to be blunt here. I think you sound crazy..lol sorry. Your relationship with your ex seems unhealthy. Your lives should not revolve around each other. It's GOOD to have your own lives. Your bf has one. You should get one too. I think you should try to get used to this, stay busy, and spend more time with friends. Your bf is obviously an independent person and if you bring this up it might seem needy and put him off.

    Your bf loves/wants you so you shouldn't worry.
    ~Lacey~

    Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
    You are my only one
    I'd let go, but there's just no one, no one like you
    You are my only, my only one

    I'm breathing in your skin tonight, quiet is my loudest cry. I would not want to wake the eyes that make me melt inside. And if it's healthier to let you be, may a sickness come and set me free. Kill me while I still believe that you were meant for me.

  13. #13
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    Jun 2009
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    This just shows how dumb I am. He was supposed to come over today but he hadn't texted me since like 4, so I was kind of mad and upset and thought he wasn't. Then about an hour ago I see him driving up and he's surprised me lol.


    But yeah. I know my ex's and I's relationship was unhealthy but he was my first "real" relationship so I figured all relationships worked like that and have grown accustomed to it.

  14. #14
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    Aug 2003
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    why dont you just text him? not like every minute, but if you feel like 'oh i havent heard from him a few hours' then ask him what hes doing or something. thats what I do, sometimes my boyfriend just gets wrapped up in work and doesnt text for a while when im really bored at home or something
    The sooner you let 2 hearts beat together, The sooner you'll know this love is forever, Love needs time now or never

  15. #15
    InfiniteRomance Guest
    I just want to let you know that you're not the only one who feels like this. Reading your post i could related to everything you said. In saying that though, i've only been with my current boyfriend for 6 or so weeks now so we're definately still new and 'finding our feet' and i have noticed that he is slowly becoming more involved in my life and i in his

    It's just hard because i was with my ex for two years and we were so involved in each others lives, he was practically living at my house and we would text all day when we weren't together. Looking back on it though i think this is what wrecked us. I got sick of him and lost all attraction to him because it just got boring. So in that sense, i can see the positives of not having our lives completly revolve around each other.

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