November 4, 2010 04:20 PM
Is he trying to make me jealous? What can I do about it?
Every so often, my fiance says or does something that upsets me/makes me jealous, and lately I've noticed that he seems to do it on purpose. It's like, if he doesn't get a reaction he has to keep trying to make me jealous until it works, then he's happy.
For example, the other day I was on my computer and he was on his computer (both within a couple feet of each other). I was watching a YouTube video, and he said "Hey, have I shown you these pics of that girl I told you about?" (Some girl that he knew a long time ago) so I looked and didn't recognise her, so I said "Uhh... I don't think so." and was trying to finish watching the YouTube video.
He then kept trying to point her out to me, and talking about her and his memories of/with her for the next couple of minutes. I finally had a proper look at his screen and made some generic positive comments about her appearance, so that he wouldn't think I was ignoring him. There was a silence, so I unpaused the YouTube video I had been watching, and it was a funny video so I had a couple of laughs in the mean time.
So the video finished, and I got up to go to the bathroom, make a coffee, etc. When I came back he was still looking at the pictures of the same girl, and started again talking about her, as if he was talking about someone he had a crush on. I just responded normally, with generic "Really? That's interesting" kind of comments.
I think that pissed him off that he didn't get a reaction out of me, so he started comparing me and her physically. I finally got pissed off and asked him what was wrong with him. He didn't answer but after that he stopped looking at the pics and it was like he was... happy??? Like he finally achieved something he was trying hard for? I don't know, it was really weird.
There are a few other things that happened like that, pretty much the same basic things happened, and I kind of realised that the more I don't react/act jealous the more he tries to make me jealous.
So this is my question... Do you think he was trying make me jealous, or am I reading too far into things?
And secondly, what can I do in future to deal with him acting like that?
It really ruins the mood. I used to get jealous of him a lot for really stupid reasons, until one day I kind of grew up and stopped being so sensitive. I was actually proud of the fact that I didn't get jealous anymore. Now it seems like he is trying to ruin it by provoking me. What can I do?
Sorry, this is already way too long, but I thought I would add that he is a lot older than I am. I'm not going to say the exact age gap but it is a fair sized gap. He has told me many times that he feels insecure about it and that he thinks I will leave him for someone my own age. Which I try to comfort him on that but it seems he is always afraid that I will find someone better and leave him.
I don't have any male friends, and I don't go to night clubs/bars/whatever. He was my first boyfriend and we've been together over 3 years. I would never cheat on him or leave him for "someone better".
I realise that this post is long and unorganised, I'm majorly tired at the moment.
November 4, 2010 04:29 PM
It sounds like he was trying to get under your skin about it, yeah. In the future and id just call him out on it, that you know what hes trying to do and tell him he's being pathetic.
November 4, 2010 04:31 PM
wow he sounds pathetic...it doesnt matter how old he is (should he be more mature if he's older?) or if he's insecure, he shouldnt be putting you down to get a reaction out of you, like wtf.
The sooner you let 2 hearts beat together, The sooner you'll know this love is forever, Love needs time now or never
November 4, 2010 04:41 PM
Um, yeah, that's what I thought too. I mean, I didn't start liking him because he was older, it just happened. But I remember thinking it was a bonus that he was more mature and wouldn't play mind games, etc., like the guys my age.
Originally Posted by starshapedheart
November 4, 2010 04:46 PM
Thanks for actually reading that, I know it's kind of hard to read/messy.
Originally Posted by Crystαℓ
I've tried that before, telling him that it's obvious what he's trying to do. He just denies it and then says that I'm paranoid/jealous. I can't win.
By the way, he's not always like this. I'm not deluding myself into thinking that we have a perfect relationship, but overall I would say that it's a good relationship. If only he wouldn't do this one thing.
That's why I said it ruins it, I mean we get a long so well all of the time and then every so often he has to do this. I'm kind of wondering if he has to make me jealous in order to feel secure?
November 4, 2010 07:31 PM
Have you every told him that you could easily be insecure about the same thing...that he'd leave you for someone his own age? Maybe he could learn from your example since you're not worried about that happening.
Originally Posted by Gemma
What he's doing in childish and sounds extremely annoying. He needs to get a grip.
November 4, 2010 08:00 PM
Honestly, I'd just tell him, "I don't appreciate that you try so hard to make me feel jealous. I love you and it hurts me when you act that way" or something like that.
I did similar things to my boyfriend when we started dating. I thought it was cute when he got jealous, because to me, it was reaffirming that he cared about me. But then he told me it actually really hurt him and he didn't like it, and I had no idea he felt that way, so I stopped immediately and haven't done it since.
If your fiance has any sense, he'll stop too once you tell him how it makes you feel.
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