Gah, let me know when you're free, you dumb little boy. Love you, but you're dumb.
I hope you like the card I sent. It was the least nauseating in the Hallmarkish section of Hannaford. Usually when I say "your family" to Cameron if I'm asking opinions and such, I mean you. I don't know why it's so important to me that you like me...I've been trying to run psychoanalyses on myself today, but all I can come up with is that Cameron clearly has you in a very "top priority" position in his life, and I don't want you to resent me for how I might change him, how I might impact his life. I know you have very good reason not to like me, and I guess I want to counterract that as much as I possibly can. It's difficult when I live so far away from you guys and how difficult it is for Cameron and I to ever get together. I really, really want you to like me.
I was also trying to come up with things we have in common, which was how my psychoanalysis started...if my theory that women might try to raise their male offspring in such a way that they are similar to their father, and if indeed Cameron is very much like his father, then we have similar tastes in menfolk. We're also both very into musical theatre, love The Big Bang Theory (especially Dr. Cooper), and are commonly considered to be "quirky". I wonder if there's anything to the idea that men seek out love interests who remind them of their mother...anyway. Psychology aside, we both love Cameron. In VERY different ways, I realize, but on a somewhat vague level, we both care very much for him. I want to be the best for him that I can possibly be...he is a truly amazing young man. You've raised him well. I admire him not only as a charming young gentleman (which he is), but as a person. He has such a drive for what he loves to do, and I'm certain we're all aware he's practically a genius. He's also one of the most kindhearted young men I've met.
I hope you don't see me as a bad influence or somethng to be wary of. I can't understand what you're going through when you see Cameron growing up, but I can try my utmost to respect that. One time, I was over a boyfriend's grandparents' house, looking through some old photo albums. There was a picture of my then-boyfriend at age two. I realized with a start that when his mother looked at him, the little boy in the photograph was what she saw; not the same person I saw when I looked at him. I immedietly felt that I was intruding, in some way. There's something similar with Cameron; the feeling that I'm intruding. Nine months ago, I didn't know him. I had made absolutely no impact on his life, of the most remote extension of the imagination...and, well, now I have.
Just know that if I'm really nervous around you it's because I'm scared you don't like me. Haha.