Dear You

[DollFace]

sorry to bump from before but i feel like i need this right now.

dear you,
i get it. you think you are in control. this means you can abuse me and **** with me all you want. you can push me and ill still want you back the next day. you can **** your girlfriend and i won't say a word. you can make me feel guilty for wanting more, for wanting something real, and wanting something else. something where i will actually be happy. you can make me believe that being sexist and demeaning in bed doesn't reflect you at all. you can take full advantage of my naive sexual experiences. you can convince me to do things i am positive i do not want to do, like **** without condoms, because you have the power to make me hate my body and self even more than i already do. you can do whatever you like when I'm drunk. you think i am foolish enough to go along with whatever you desire and never even realize it is the antithesis of what i want.
you are mainly right. i won't say a word, i won't fight back. you'll **** her for a month and a half and then ill return without saying a word. but i know what you are doing. i know you hook up with the "broken girl" type and pretend to help her while taking advantage of her. i know it is wrong. and i will silently resent you for it forever.
**** you and your sociopath ways,
ME.

[Nose_Dove]

Dear You,
Gah, let me know when you're free, you dumb little boy. Love you, but you're dumb.

Dear You,
I hope you like the card I sent. It was the least nauseating in the Hallmarkish section of Hannaford. Usually when I say "your family" to Cameron if I'm asking opinions and such, I mean you. I don't know why it's so important to me that you like me...I've been trying to run psychoanalyses on myself today, but all I can come up with is that Cameron clearly has you in a very "top priority" position in his life, and I don't want you to resent me for how I might change him, how I might impact his life. I know you have very good reason not to like me, and I guess I want to counterract that as much as I possibly can. It's difficult when I live so far away from you guys and how difficult it is for Cameron and I to ever get together. I really, really want you to like me.
I was also trying to come up with things we have in common, which was how my psychoanalysis started...if my theory that women might try to raise their male offspring in such a way that they are similar to their father, and if indeed Cameron is very much like his father, then we have similar tastes in menfolk. We're also both very into musical theatre, love The Big Bang Theory (especially Dr. Cooper), and are commonly considered to be "quirky". I wonder if there's anything to the idea that men seek out love interests who remind them of their mother...anyway. Psychology aside, we both love Cameron. In VERY different ways, I realize, but on a somewhat vague level, we both care very much for him. I want to be the best for him that I can possibly be...he is a truly amazing young man. You've raised him well. I admire him not only as a charming young gentleman (which he is), but as a person. He has such a drive for what he loves to do, and I'm certain we're all aware he's practically a genius. He's also one of the most kindhearted young men I've met.
I hope you don't see me as a bad influence or somethng to be wary of. I can't understand what you're going through when you see Cameron growing up, but I can try my utmost to respect that. One time, I was over a boyfriend's grandparents' house, looking through some old photo albums. There was a picture of my then-boyfriend at age two. I realized with a start that when his mother looked at him, the little boy in the photograph was what she saw; not the same person I saw when I looked at him. I immedietly felt that I was intruding, in some way. There's something similar with Cameron; the feeling that I'm intruding. Nine months ago, I didn't know him. I had made absolutely no impact on his life, of the most remote extension of the imagination...and, well, now I have.
Just know that if I'm really nervous around you it's because I'm scared you don't like me. Haha.

[Nose_Dove]

Dear You,

Wanted to write out a message I'm not going to send.
I was listening to the radio tonight; the station plays soft rock and the evening host's name is Delilah. Her radio show goes along the dynamic of her personality, for she is the sappy love song queen. So, it's a guilty pleasure of mine to listen to some of the love stories she hears every night. Tonight, a caller told Delilah she and her husband knew each other for maybe a few weeks before they got engaged. Delilah remarked that, out of all the marriages she heard about, the ones that seemed to be the happiest and longest were the ones where the two people met and shortly thereafter knew that they'd found "the one".
I thought about how, even after only knowing you for a couple of days, something inside of me told me not to let go of you, even if all we ever were was friends. This part, I hesitate to admit...that Friday night, I was thinking of you. A lot. It's why I sought you out the next day and kept trying to be around you. I looked for you in that backstage-ish room at the Capital Center and tried to keep track of where you were in the audience before we went to perform. I remember that first and last embrace before we left the venue, and how I was hoping beyond all reason that I'd somehow get to see you again in the future.
Of course, in the past, I've built up romantic ideas so far beyond reality that when I finally let myself down, I hit the ground hard. But, it was hard to form my barriers with you; the ground just dissipated before I could prevent myself from falling. I was thinking about you during the drive home...I wondered if I'd have any way of connecting with you when I finally returned to my usual life. I wondered, before I could catch such fanciful thoughts, if you'd be that guy whom I liked more than I liked being single (because, if you didn't know. I freaking love being single. But I love you far more than I love being single. So I chose you.) I knew so little about you, but I'd never before felt such a connection with someone so quickly...I could only hope it wasn't too good to be true, or just some random spark that would fizzle out.
This one girl...you met her. Sammy's friend with whom you played Ninja. She talked on Thursday or Friday about how she'd met her ex-boyfriend the previous year at All States. Their relationship hadn't gone very well, and I was thinking to myself, what a dumb idea, to date someone you meet here. That can't possibly work out. I'd NEVER do that.
Well, look how that turned out.

[FreakOnALeash]

Dear You,
If you don't say it to me straight up soon I'm going to say it first, also, The dating thing, we doing it or not? Either way, I'm pretty happy with how it's going now, but taking that next step, that would be just fantastic, seriously, If only you knew how happy I would be.
-Me

[missunderstood]

Dear You,
I hate you. I hate being in a relationship with you. I hate it. But I can't see myself without you. I don't want to go through a breakup. But I am so, so unhappy here.

[Chantellie]

Dear You,
I should have listened when people told me what kind of guy you were. I knew your history, I knew what you did. But I was stupid and let you in. I let you disrespect me again and again and again. You may have cheated on me, but I was cheating myself out of the happiness I deserved. I am so appalled by what you were, what you are. I can't believe I ever let you touch me and for so many months at that.
I'm not the same girl I was before you. But I'll be ok. As for you, I hope you get herpes.
And no, you are not my friend either.

[calioxbabeey]

Dear You,
I know things have been rough lately, and we both over think and second guess our feelings but in the end of the day I would chose to second guess my feelings then be with anyone else. I know its just our heads and our anxiety and hopefully will get through this because I'm not ready to give up on us. You are the most wonderful person I have ever known inside and out. Your an amazing friend with a big heart but an even better boyfriend to me. I love everything about you and I'm so glad i finally came to my senses and were together. I don't know whats in the future for us but i love you more anything and the only thing I'm sure of is I don't want to lose you.

[dazzle]

Dear you,

I think I'm happy to say there will no longer be dear you's for you.

[Science_Fiction]

Dear You,
Eres una rakataka sin gusto!! No te puedo creer, como andaste con mis amigos diciendo MENTIRAS a mi novio y mis amgios. Sabes que por eso el piense que soy bien desperada (especialmente odio cuando alguien pienso de mi asi.) y que yo estaba hablando sobre mi vida sexual a todo el mundo. Me dijo que fue por eso que me dejo de hablar.
Solo quiero agradacerte, por aunque hiciste ponerse mis amigos contra de mi, casi arruinaste mis ultimos dias en Panama, y hiciste dudarme; por lo menos me di cuenta quien de mis amigos me quieren de verdad y quien no. Espero que te pases un feo ano en Panama, y que todos se daran cuenta de quien eres de verdad.

[Nose_Dove]

Dear You,

The fact is...there are many sets of song lyrics I'd be justified in using as a status right now. But when I look at the music I've been listening to in the past few days, a thought haunts me...they're the songs I've been listening to in the past month or so, periodically, between those couple nights a week (sometimes even fewer) I was actually content.
There's a theory that when we find someone who meets at least 80% of our "ideal mate" criteria, we block out the rest and focus on that. The other 20% could be something we'd be very unhappy with; we don't know until we get to know the person really well, or the characteristics start sticking out more. I have a really high tolerence for bull****...I spin it onto myself, saying it's MY problem and if that I can't deal with their shortcomings, I am under par as a significant other.
Distance relationships can end for different reasons than that of typical relationships. An all-too-common theme is that, for whatever reason, one person just doesn't put in the effort. The other starts holding on too tight, trying as hard as they can to do everything that would keep things together, hoping the other will get back on the ball and everything will be okay.
I put everything into our relationship. I am going to be completely honest and say that I did so much for you, but got little in return. I was almost always the one making all the plans to get together, the one who continued to write letters and **** in hopes you wouldn't have any reason to doubt I was there and loved you. You continued not to try, and I continued to hold on tighter. I was scared to tell you that I was unhappy with how you weren't acting like I was important to you, at all. I felt undervalued, and now I feel even moreso. I tried to be everything you'd let me be for you, and you want to just give up.
All I want right now is you. There's no sense of pride or desire to appear strong and collected. I just want you back. I'd give anything for you to see that the distance you felt between us, emotionally, was just because you're stressed and tired and our relatinoship is no longer emotionally effortless. I'd give anything to see you again, to look in your eyes and see that fire we've always had. I've been strongly considering driving down tomorrow to talk things out, but I know it's a bad idea...
I don't know why, if you've never put in that kind of effort for me before, I'm hoping you'll somehow start now. That's the distance you've been feeling, is you not trying and expecting the feelings to just...be there. You need to feed things if you want them to grow.
I don't know what to do.

[Nose_Dove]

Dear You,

You know...if the shoe were on the other foot, I'd have called and given my deepest and most sincere condolences, to your entire family, completely regardless of whatever the hell had happened between us. A friend going through a loss is a friend going through a loss, and really, don't flatter yourself into believing your goodbye even matters anymore. My brother was murdered. And now, it's just kind of a relief not having to worry at the same time about a boyfriend who only acts like a boyfriend very occasionally, and just as occasionally givesd any indication that he gives a ****.

I'm not going to lie and say this whole thing has made me forget about you. You're still on my mind a lot, but it was a very distinct shift in a very short amount of time from complete and total heartbreak to slight bitterness. Now I'm just kind of pissed you haven't said anything about Ryan. I want to tell you so badly how it was you who ****ed up our relationship...not the fading of feelings.

[clovergirl365]

dear you,
i know you don't see through me. you look at me everyday and i sense the feelings you have for me. i want you to know i feel the same but you have a girlfriend. she a sweet girl and you seem happy with her. i'm not worth losing her, trust me. i'm a mess, not that you see that. after years of having to act like i'm happy, i've gotten really good at it. i want you desperately but i want you to be happy even more desperately. i'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, but i think i'm going to take the high road and let you be with her. you and her deserve each other and the happiness that you give each other.

[Nose_Dove]

Dear You,

Something guys just don't seem to understand at your age is just how much girls tend to invest in relationships, and how much it hurts the girl when the guy just...doesn't do the same. That you expect to be able to do nothing and the relationship just happens. And it's even worse when the girl needs the guy to be something and he doesn't try to be what she needs.

You...don't understand how much of a personal battle it was for me to even be in a relationship at the time we admitted to ourselves and to each other we'd been falling. You haven't had the prolonged heartbreak, the rebounds, the ex who just won't stay away when it's clear the tension - emotional and sexual - is still very present. The one you get back together with because your lack of self-confidence tells you, even though you KNOW he isn't the best for you, you'll never find anyone else with whom you'll be happy.

You haven't had the ex who showed signs of depression and MPD while all this was going on. The one who took up a huge place in your heart for nearly two and a half years, only nine months of which were spent actually "in the relationship." The one who found a sick, twisted pleasure in knowing that he'd hurt you on an emotional level so deep that it scarred you for weeks, months...and not just emotionally. The ex who one day cried when he saw the scars on your wrists, touching them and promising it would never happen again, and the next night took that same pleasure in knowing the blood came because of his words, that the scars will be there for months...years, even.

But you have seen how difficult our relationship was, at times. So, reading that paragraph up there, maybe you see that had I listened to what my mind was telling me, I'd have stayed away from you the instant I felt that connection. But I didn't. My heart told me to hold onto you, so I did. And I put everything into that relationship...and forgot that in order for it to work, you'd need to do the same. But you didn't.

The only thing keeping me from completely falling apart in every sense of the word was the news that my brother had been stabbed to death and was no longer going to come to any family functions, never again going to stop by just to say hi to my mom. Never again point to a roof somewhere in town and say, "That's mine." After this, I needed to pick myself back up and be strong for my family. Suddenly, your goodbye didn't matter. If anything, it was lovely not to have to worry about whether or not you were going to stand up and actually be what I needed you to be. Even now, you should have done more than just send a message. Life isn't blowing me any kisses right now and hasn't been, for months. You were never what I needed you to be.

Cameron, you are an incredible person, in every way. And I will always remember you and remember the days we spent together. And someday, you'll make some young lady very happy, like you made me...but it'll only work if you put the same kind of effort into that relationship as she's going to put in, as I put into ours. There's things that I did that she's not going to do...fight personal demons, overcome her deepest and most intense fears and reservations when it comes to love. She won't have these, chances are. So she won't fight as hard as I did for you because there won't be as much to fight for. For your sake, I hope you're ready to hold onto a girl who isn't as afraid to lose you as I was.

[Pendulum]

Dear You,

I miss you. And I'm really confused as to what I want to do about us :/ I hope we get to talk soon.

Me

[Guilty Pleasure]

Dear you,

I really wish that you would notice me the way I notice you. I look forward to seeing you every week, and I wonder if you ever look forward to seeing me too.