I'm only a periodic poster on JB, but it seems that just about every week when I check on the dating board, it always has some familiar/rehashed topics. Some might be the same thread just bumped from a while ago, but many are just duplicates of ones we've seen a hundred times before. I'm not complaining -- nobody wants to search old threads -- but I think it's funny and a little sad that so many people have the same issues/trainwrecks.

#5. How do I flirt or get a guy's attention?

These threads often come with the qualifier "I'm shy," or "He's shy," or "I have leprosy" so everyone knows they have a legitimate excuse for their current predicament. The premise is pretty innocuous, as not everyone flirts naturally, especially in middle school. Or high school. Or college. Come to think of it, why do we play this stupid flirting game? Because saying our feelings aloud sounds too scary, I guess.

Look, if you're not talking to the guy, start talking. If he's not talking to you, start shutting up and let him talk. If he's not a complete tool, he'll come around and figure you're interested. Use your smile and have a -- get this -- two-way conversation. If that doesn't work, you could always take your top off.

#4. OMG Am I preggers?!

Although recently these threads may have moved over to the sex board, I'm sure a few will still slip in to the dating board to amuse or exasperate others on JB. 90% of the time, the thread author is a complete forum noob. And almost invariably, you'll never hear from her and her horrific typpin skyllz aggen!!! Probably because she's busy taking care of the baby she conceived while feeling up her boyfriend with their clothes on.

No, you need clothes off to get pregnant. No, jacking him off won't get you pregnant. No, giving him head won't make you pregnant, unless you have the absolute worst luck in the world. No, peeing or douching after sex is not contraceptive. Penetration = penis in vagina. Penetration + orgasm + ovulation period - contraception = pregnancy. If you need more of an explanation than that, see your gyno, take a pregnancy test, or better yet, ask your parents what birds and bees do.

#3. Is the age difference a big deal?

Often the author of this thread has a specific boy in mind, and she is proud to announce that her love interest is in college, or that she met some 27-year-old at a bar, or that her boyfriend may have at one point dated her mother. We get it, your choice of older guys validates some sense of maturity for you. We'd all love to get into another discussion of how old is faux pas, how guys want sex at any age, and how relatable is his knowledge of awful '80s music.

Age is a big deal because if it weren't, you wouldn't have made the thread. I'm sure you enjoy being with each other, so if you can still find common ground, fine. Dating someone older has advantages if you can get past the malaise of rampant STIs: obtaining booze if you're underage, him not getting drafted into the military, and senior citizen discounts at the movie theater (you gold-digger, you). I'd just hope that his motivations aren't suspect, and he isn't going to use you for your...student section football tickets.

#2. Does he like me?

No.

We're not mind-readers.

#1. I'm 16/17/18, and I've never had a boyfriend, what's wrong with me?

I cannot believe how many times I've seen this same damn thread, and the hysterical girls are freaking out that they'll finish high school without a date. Woe is me, no one at my high school has ever graduated without dating someone else, everyone must think I'm a total prude, I need therapy... Indeed. Clearly, you'll fail as an adult without the intense training and preparation only gained through serious high school relationships. Might as well join the old maids bridge club now.

What's wrong with you? First, get that leprosy looked at. Second, haven't you considered that singleness is normal and that high school relationships are fickle to begin with? The single life has plenty of reasons to be enjoyed. Plus if you aren't secure in who you are single, you won't have a secure identity in a relationship, either. Also the lack of self-confidence isn't helping. Feel good about yourself, moron. And if you really need that dating relationship on your high school transcript right the hell now, you could always take your top off.