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**** it. I am obviously not capable of being in a relationship, not now. He is an ass, and obviously I cannot get a good bf, and I don't deserve this. I just wish I could be in a relationship for longer than a week. I would love for the feeling of something substancial, but I know that he doesn't give me any security whatsoever. I just don't like the single life. Everyone talks about all the flirting you can do and whatnot, but it isn't even that great. But I hate him. I HATE him. He's
I'm trying to keep a journal for the New Year New You contest/weightloss program on JB. The first day wasn't so great. My mom had got some chicken from some local place yesterday, but I wasn't home so I was forced to eat it today. Also, there was this red velvet cake at my aunt's house (my weakness) but I only had a small sice, which was still probably around 150-200 calories. I was busy all day so I couldn't exercize, but I will tomorrow. I did overlook pepsi for water, yay. I have to take
Went out with raging alcoholic.
Drank heavily and started cutting (again)
Went out with pothead.
Had the best night ever (too bad it revolved around something superficial)
Got into it w/ mom (dad's fault)
Broke up with pothead.
Got all depressed.
Stopped cutting/being depressed.
Tried to be happy.
I can't remember
I had a dream last night. I was in Chemistry class, and my ex crush was there. Wierdly enough, I used to have Chemistry with him, but I got my schedule changed, not because of him, though. Anyway, I was sitting on his lap and we were making out, right in the middle of class. So my chemistry teacher said something sarcastic (as always) and I said something sarcastic right back at him. The whole class laughed, and then he was whispering about how he was sorry about being an ass and whatnot.
Most nights, I have dreams that I am blind or that my vision is blurred. I looked it up on the Dream Dictionary to find out that I can mean that I am not seeing the truth, or basically that I am living in denial. I have no clue what this means, I try to have a straightforward approach to life. So I am trying to analyze my life and how I can be living in denial. It may have something to do with my choice in boyfriends, because they are idiots and I see right through that.