Dear Jellybean,
I have a really low self-esteem and it seems like my family keeps making me feel worse and worse about myself. My younger brother keeps telling me what a freak I am and how much of a dork I am. I know that's just a little brother thing to do but, after a while, I'm sort of starting to believe it. It seems like everyone else in my family just waits for me to screw up and then laugh at it. I just feel really out of place in my family. Is there anything that I can do to feel closer to them?
Dear Writer,
First, sit down and make a list of everything that's dorky, weird, stupid, or annoying about your younger brother. Read it over to yourself. Now say, "I'm letting HIM tell me what's wrong with ME?!?"
Being teased by your own family is no fun. There are a few different ways that you might decide to deal with it.
Number one, you could decide to let it roll off your back. If your family is the type to make fun of everything and everyone, you don't have to take their comments personally. Just laugh it off when they say something, or better yet, tease them back. They totally deserve it - and might even enjoy it.
Second, you could let them know that they might think it's all fun and games, but the teasing hurts your feelings. They might not even understand how much it affects you. When they tease you, don't smile. Just tell them to stop right then and there. Use words like, "That really hurt my feelings" or "Please stop - you're making me feel bad about myself."
Third, you could decide they're being goofs, and you're going to ignore them. Carry music everywhere and if a family member starts in at you, just put in your earbuds and crank up the tunes.
Or fourth, decide to address the problem seriously. Find a quiet time when you can talk to your parents without interruption, and calmly tell them that the way that they (or whoever in your family) tease you, hurts your feelings badly, and you would like them to stop because it has gone too far. If they answer that they were "just teasing" you, tell them that even if they don't think it's a big deal, it still hurts you a lot.
Finally, address your self-esteem issues. There will always be people who are waiting to bring other people down. That's just a sad truth of life. But it's how we react to those people, and those situations, that define who we are, and how happy we can be in this life. You need to work on yours, so you can walk away from an encounter with someone negative, saying, "Whatever, that's just their opinion. I know I'm awesome."
Don't let the negative comments of others take up valuable room in your head. Who cares what your brother, or some bully, or that relative who doesn't understand you thinks. You can think your own thoughts. You can choose what to give space to in your brain and heart. If it's toxic, get rid of it. Whenever you have a bad thought about yourself, ask yourself, "Whose voice is that? Who's giving me grief? How can I rephrase that in a more positive way?" When you mess up, don't let thoughts like "You're stupid" take up space in your head. Drown them out with thoughts like, "Oh well, everyone makes mistakes. I'll know better for next time." And, "It's not the end of the world." Replace self-criticism with self-love.
