FRIENDS ARE TEASING A GIRL

Dear Jellybean,

I need help. A girl in my groups of friends is getting teased all the time by other members in our group because her face is usually bright pink for no particular reason. Then call her a ‘strawberry’ because she has freckles as well and I think its really mean. Whenever they see someone eating tomato or strawberries or even beetroot they say, ‘oh no, your eating her cousin!’ and all this stuff. I was teased a lot too in my old groups of friends about silly stuff that I would feel bad about so I finally changed groups. But whenever other members in my group tease this girl for fun I tell them ‘don’t be slack to her’ and ‘shes not a strawberry’ or whatever, but its not working. I know what it feels like to be teased over and over again. Whenever they say something mean to her and laugh, you can tell in her eyes that she is upset because she walks away sadly or doesn’t say anything. I don’t want the same thing to happen to her as it did to me. But I just don’t understand it because the people in my group are all girls and a few guys and they are always nice to people, they just joke around a bit too much about her. What should I do?

Dear Writer,

This situation is obviously making you feel unhappy. Really, you have three choices. One, explain to your friends why you think they should stop. Two, ignore what's happening (but you'll feel really bad). Three, stop being friends with these people (definitely a last resort).

If you haven't guessed, I'm voting for number one - talk to your friends. I know you've told them not to tease her, but I think you need to take it a step further, and explain why. After a teasing incident happens, take your friends aside and say something like, "Come on guys, what are you doing? She didn't do anything to you. I mean, what do we get out of teasing her? We're not the kind of people who have to put others down to feel like bigshots, are we? So let's just leave her alone, okay?"

Another thing you could say is, "I feel really guilty when you guys pick on her. She's not a bad person and I don't think she deserves that, just because of something she can't control. None of us are perfect, but we still deserve respect, or at least not to be teased."

Stand your ground with your friends, and let them know that you're against teasing people. Hopefully, they'll see how right you are, and decide to lay off teasing this girl.

If you wanted to be especially nice, you could even talk to the girl and apologize on behalf of your friends. But that's extra-credit - you weren't the one making comments. I'm sure she'd be happy if you can just get your group to leave her alone, and find something else more productive to do with their time.