MOM IS STRESSED SINCE THE DIVORCE

Dear Jellybean,

My parents were recently divorced and things have changed alot. My mom has really changed and she's been super stressed out with work and taking care of my sister and I. Times have been really tough for her and sometimes she takes her anger out on me. Is there any way that maybe I can help my mom relax (fun bonding activities for a low cost)? And how should i deal with her when she yells at me just because she's stressed out?
-Concerned daughter

Dear Concerned,

Divorce is traumatic and a major life change, for both your parents, and for you and your sister. Just as the divorce wasn't your responsibility, neither is helping your mom to "get over it". That's something she, as an adult, has to do on her own.

What you can do is, share your feelings about what has happened, and how life is now, honestly with your mom. Don't wait until there's a yelling scene to try it either. When things are calm and you're having a happy (or at least neutral) moment together, ask if your mom has a few minutes to talk. Then tell her you've been feeling stressed about how things have changed, and say she probably is too. Try to get her to talk about her feelings, and talk about yours. The idea is to make this a process that you go through together, as a team, instead of fighting against each other.

If your mom yells at you, it's amazing that you can even stop and think that it's because she's stressed. I think the best thing to do is don't yell back, try to echo what she says in a reassuring manner (as in, "Okay, you're mad I didn't set the table, you're right, I promise to do it every night without being asked from now on"), and do your best to bring things down to a calm level.

You also don't have to go through this alone. Divorce is so hard on kids - I know from experience, my parents divorced when I was 15 - and there are people out there who can help you get through this. Talk to a trusted female teacher or aunt, confide in a guidance counselor at school, or call one of the free teen hotlines (click here) available.