BIRTH CONTROL AND PARENTS ISSUE

Dear Jellybean,

I am 17 years old and about to go to college. I have a boyfriend who is around my age, and we are seriously thinking about starting a physical relationship (having sex). He and I are on the same page. We do not want children; it would ruin both of our lives. I know that it's a really good idea to use a condom, but I also know that it's a good idea to be tested for STD's and start birth control pills. However, I'm not quite sure how to approach my parents on this subject.

I live with my father and my stepmother and we don't have medical insurance. I don't have a job either. I was hoping that they could help pay for the pills. They're going to get campus insurance for me when I go to college, but I don't know a lot about the insurance policy and what it covers. My parents took the information pamphlets and hid them from me. I am willing to get an on-campus job; in fact, I planned on it. I wanted to use that money for things I might need during college, but I will use it to pay for the birth control pills if my parents want me to.

Also, I'll be by myself in college. What it someone took advantage of me and raped me? I realize that there are things that I can do to avoid this, but sometimes it's out of my control. Being on birth control would keep something like that from ruining my life completely.

I guess my main point is, how do I approach my parents with this touchy subject? They are very conservative people and I'm sure the idea of a teenager like me having sex would definitely scare them and make them freak out. I'm afraid that they will be so upset that they'll not allow me to see anyone for the rest of my life. x.x. How do I approach this in a mature way and attempt to make them see my point of view without shutting me out completely? Any advice would help a lot.

Thanks,
Uncertain College Girl

Dear Uncertain College Girl,

First, information on your college insurance policy is not restricted to information pamphlets. Visit your future college's website, and/or call the information office to find out what is or isn't covered in the insurance program.

Secondly, if you're concerned that your parents will say "no", don't let that stop you from taking the necessary precautions to prevent pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. There are places you can go to get birth control pills and condoms without your parents (or your family doctor) knowing, such as free clinics run by Planned Parenthood. These places not only dish out the birth control, they can give you very helpful info about protecting your body from infection and tell you how to use the birth control effectively. These clinics often provide contraceptions for reduced rates, or at some places, even for free.

To find a Planned Parenthood clinic in your town, use these links:

If you live in the U.S., click here for the Planned Parenthood Federation of America website. At the very top of the webpage, there's a place to enter your zipcode and state, to find the closest Planned Parenthood health center to you.

If you live in Canada, click here for the Canadian Federation for Sexual Health website. Use the map to find your nearest health centre.

There may be other free clinics in your town too. Check your local Yellow Pages under "Clinics", "Health Centers", "Health and Welfare Clinics", "Medical Clinics" or "Women's Health Centers".

It's commendable that you and your boyfriend have thought seriously about the need for birth control, and that you want to involve your parents in your decision. You sound like a thoughtful and mature young woman. Part of growing up is understanding how to take responsibility for yourself and your own actions.

In your case, that may involve telling your parents. Or it may not. Another part of growing up - and you will basically be an adult when you're at college - is knowing how to take care of yourself, and when it's right to keep that info to yourself.

Only you can decide whether or not to tell your parents that you've gone on birth control. (Just do be sure to get on it, and use condoms as well - with all your knowledge it would be tragic if you ended up unhappily pregnant or with an embarrassing infection). If you do wish to tell them, you might want to talk to a counselor at one of those clinics about this too. They can help you to figure out what to say, and even supply you with pamphlets your parents can read.

Good luck - and stay protected!