DAD WANTS HER HOME FOR COLLEGE

Dear Jellybean,

Hi there, I am a senior high school student who is being driven insane!! I have wanted to become a veterinarian since I was 3, wanted to attend a specific university since I was in grade 6. My life is planned out, not completely, who's is? But I know what I want, what needs to get done. I am intelligent, not genius material, but an honour roll student. This university of my dreams that I recently visited not only offers the Doctor of Veterinary Medicine but an excelled Honours Bio-Medical Sci program. Everything is perfect, I couldn't have applied to a better school.

But my father seems to believe otherwise. I will be eighteen in a few monthes and I will attend this university. However, not only does he want me to attend a university in THIS city, he also wants me to live at home. The university I want to attend is only 45 minutes away, and I want to live in residence to have a full university experience. My father gets extremely angry when I mention anything about going to this university and living in residence there. He has already told me that I will need to take out a student loan and pay for everything myself, and yet he feels he has the right to control where I receive my post-secondary education. This is absolutely ridiculous!! It makes me so angry, I am smart. I do not do drugs, smoke, drink and I am abstinant. I am going to univeristy to receive a higher level of education, enrich my mind and fulfil my dreams. I feel like if he was really my father he would support that.

There is no way I can live here and attend university. I have a 2 and half year old stepbrother. Screaming child + studying for a university exam = Not going to happen. I realize that living in residence will be noisy. But people are more mature, I can ask them to quiet down, go to the library, invest in those ear muffs construction workers use while using a jackhammer... ANYTHING. I am not living at home, case and point. My step-mom and my mom agree with me, which allows me to rationalize that I am not the unreasonable one in this. The university he wants me to go to does not offer a program of the same calibre that I desire, not to mention my university is beautiful, environmentally-friendly and everything I have dreamed about. I recently visited the campus and it was what I want. I have visited the one my father is pushing for numerous times, it is not what I want, at all. Which brings me to the ultimate question, what do I do?

Thanks,
Not Compromising my Dreams for Dad's Desires

Dear Not Compromising,

Do what you want. It's not like you're proposing to run away to join a commune, or the circus, or any number of any looney things you could be doing. Your goals are worthy, and your planning is admirable. You've got the smarts, drive and focus to achieve your dreams. You've got to go for it. It's your life.

Your dad is freaked because he's scared about losing his little girl. He worries about what could happen to you when you're out from under his control. This is not so much about him doubting you, as his terror of losing you, and possibly a bit of paranoia about college guys and their evil intentions for his little girl.

Sit him down for a private chat one night, and inform him calmly and maturely of your intentions. Say, "Dad, I love you. But I love me too, and I want to live a life that will make me happy, and you proud. I also want to experience university life, and learn to manage my own life, so I can mature into a responsible grown-up. That means I need to go to (that school you want to go to). I'm going to go there, with or without your blessing, doing whatever I need to do to make that happen. I'd rather have your support. But even if you don't want me going, I'm still going to go."

He might flip. Let him. Stay quiet and listen to his rant. Thank him for his concern. Then give him a kiss goodnight, tell him you love him, and go to bed. Try it again the next day. Repeat.

Meanwhile, head to your guidance counseling office and apply for any and all scholarships that might be available to you. As an honor roll student, there are bound to be some that you're eligible for. Work your butt of this year to put the funding in place, so you're not totally debt-loaded when you graduate from that school of your dreams.