MOM HAS TURNED MEAN

Dear Jellybean,

My mom and I used to be like best friends when my parents were on the verge of splitting up. I used to be able to tell her everything, go anywhere with her. She used to be so open and loving. Now that my dad has come home I feel that she has changed. I feel that I can't tell her anything. Like when I told her about my new crush, before she would give me advice, but now she just rolls her eyes. And when I get in trouble, she gets this smirk on her face, as if she's glad i'm in trouble. Before, when my dad was done yelling and I was practicaly in tears she would hug my and gently explain what I did was wrong. Now like I said she smirks and yells. It's like it's her oposite twin came to live with me. And every time I hug her she rolls her eys, or quickly hugs me and sometimes, literally pushes me out of the way. I think about it some nights and want to tell her I miss the way she was, but i'm scarred. Last time she said it was just my imagination. That really hurt me. I really want it to be like before. When I could do or say anything to her. When she was more of a mom than an evil stepmom. I need some advise here.
-Where is she?

Dear Where is she?,

It's hard to know what's going on with your mom. Maybe she need love, and was better able to give it, when she was going through the split-up with you dad and felt sad herself. Or perhaps your mom is unhappy now, even though your dad came home, and she's taking out her frustrations on you, or is impatient with your problems because she sees her own troubles as much bigger.

Whatever the reason, it's sad that you and your mom used to be like best friends, and now you're more distant. I'm especially sad to hear that your mom is rejecting your physical affection. I wonder if she even realizes she is doing this? It's a strange thing for a mother to do, and could be a sign that your mom is dealing with some major emotional problem, such as depression.

Have you considered writing your mom a letter, to express your feelings? It sounds like talking isn't doing much, so maybe putting your feelings on paper would get across better. It's definitely worth a try.

When you write your letter, keep it fairly short, since your mom's patience is obviously limited these days. Don't blame her for what's happening, or list all the things she's done wrong. Just sincerely express how much you love her, and how badly you want to feel close to her again. Tell her about how you want to confide your personal experiences and thoughts in her, but you're not sure she wants to hear them. Also say that you want to do your very best to be a good daughter, even though you sometimes make mistakes.

I hope this works, and your mom gets a better understanding of how badly you want to repair your relationship. I'm sure that your mom loves you and wants the best for you. It's just that sometimes, adults get so wrapped up in their own concerns, they forget that their kids' feelings are also important and valid.

What else can you do to get closer to your mom? Invite her to do something fun with you, like renting a "chick flick" and mowing down on some popcorn together, playing an old favorite board game, or going shopping. Show kindness to your mom, such as bringing her a cup of tea when she looks tired, helping to wash the dinner dishes, or telling her she looks pretty.

Do know that you are a good person, and your mom knows that deep down in her heart. I wish you the best of luck in repairing your bond.