PARENTS DISLIKE HER BOYFRIEND

Dear Jellybean,

I am a sophomore in high school. I have been dating my boyfriend for almost two years now. He is a Senior and he is a sweetheart, I love him. We go to church together, are in clubs together, and share the same morals and values. He doesn't pressure me ever and respects me. The thing is, he comes from a rough family. His father is an alcoholic and was abusive towards his wife. He is mostly unemployed. My boyfriend lives with his father because his mom doesn't have room for him. We don't get to go on dates because neither of has our license (he gets his the end of the month) and neither of us has a job because we're busy with school sports and clubs. We spend most of the time we can be together at my house. I'm not allowed to have people over on school days so I can focus on school work so I only see him during the week. My parents always bug me about my boyfriend and I being together. They don't think he'll make anything of himself because no one in his family has even, though he already has been accepted by many colleges. They are always complain about how he doesn't have a job, but they know neither one of us has time for one during school.They say wouldn't it be great to have a guy who could actually take you on dates? I'll admit my boyfriend sometimes fibs about his home life to my parents because he is ashamed and they call him a liar for it.He only does it because he knows they'll judge him by his family. I just don't understand how anyone could be so cruel and judgmental. I don't think its right to judge someone based on their family. He actually has made very good decisions like not to drink, have sex, and party because he wants a better life. I love him and I care for him very much and my parents make it so difficult for us sometimes. It sometimes feels like their making things impossible because they want us to break up. What can I do? I love him dearly and hes so wonderful and kind, everything a girl could want.
Sincerely,
Parents destroying relationship

Dear PDR,

You say that the only reason your boyfriend doesn't take you on dates is because he doesn't have a license. So if he's getting one at the end of this month, it sounds like you'll be going on dates pretty soon. Then you can tell your parents, "See? He does take me on dates!" So that's one problem down. (Unless of course, there's some other reason he doesn't take you out, that you aren't mentioning to me).

I do think you need to talk to your boyfriend and your family together, about the lies he tells about his family. Your parents are judging your guy - but they don't have all the facts, right from the source. It's no good, with you getting caught in the middle and trying to be the bridge between them. Have a family dinner, or invite your boyfriend over one weekend day, to spend time with your family and have an honest talk. Your parents sound like they're basically good people. I'm sure their hearts will go out to your BF, when they hear how he feels ashamed. And it will certainly make them feel better about him, if they see he's mature enough to talk to them face-to-face, and address their concerns about him. I'm sure they'd be thrilled to hear about his goals to have a beter life than his family, and about his decisions to not party, have sex, etc.

You need to get everyone on the same side... and this is the way to do it. If your boyfriend really loves you the way you say he does, he will be more than willing to do this for you. It could be the beginning of a different relationship between him and your folks.