MOM SMOKES

Dear Jellybean,

My mother smokes, and it's really bad for her health and I know it. My siblings and I have gathered all the information we could, shown it to her, begged her... done just about everything we could to get her to stop. She keeps saying that she'll stop, but she doesn't. I'm really worried about my mom's health. What should/can I do? Please respond!!!

Dear Writer,

Smoking is a very serious addiction. Health professionals say that quitting cigarettes is even harder than quitting heroin. So the first thing I want to tell you is, don't feel like a failure because you haven't yet been able to convince your mom to quit. Sometimes, the power of an addiction can be even more powerful than love, or knowing what's best for your family.

I think it's great that you and your siblings want your mom to quit, and are willing to spend time and effort making this point. However, your mom has to make the decision to quit herself, or nobody will be able to keep her off the smokes.

What you can do, besides telling your mom how bad smoking is for you (which she already knows), is give your mom some real information about how her habit is affecting her children. The effects of second-hand smoke are no joke - they are deadly. Gang up on your mom with your sibs, and tell her seriously that you do not want her smoking around you, as it is affecting your growing body and your lungs. Ask her to smoke only outside, or at least only smoke in one room of the house, that is only for that purpose.

You can also keep letting her know how much it would mean to you if she quit and why. For instance, you could tell her how you don't want to have your senior year ruined when you have to ditch your studies to care for her, as she slowly dies of lung cancer. (Dramatic, but sadly, a possibility!) Your mom may need a reality check that her smoking is not only hurting her, even if she keeps it away from you. It has the potential to devastate your life and your siblings' lives as well.

Another thing you could do is research some of the stop-smoking aids that are available out there, and let your mom know about them. Talk to your family doctor, and encourage him/her to chat about this with your mom as well.

You wil have to be patient in all of this. If your mom does decide to quit, it won't be easy. It may be the hardest thing she has ever tried to do. If she relapses, or has bad-mood days, you can't take it personally. Just keep on supporting her to quit, give her lots of encouragement, and keep on reminding her how proud you are of her, and how much you know that she loves you all enough to take this step.

Finally, if all else fails, write your mom a heartfelt letter - or show her this one, and my answer. Sometimes it's easier to communicate in writing. Good luck to you and your mom!