PARENTS ALWAYS FIGHTING

Dear Jellybean,

I have a problem. my parents always fight. They fight about big things, little stuff, and blame each other for things that they didn't do! It makes me sad and drives me insane; they're always yelling. I know they don't really love eachother anymore, because they never kiss or hug or anything, and sometimes they won't even sleep together. I wish they would just get a divorce and get it over with, but its against our religous beliefs, so i know they won't.

Also, sometimes I have to side with one of them. Like, my mom will say something about dad and be like, "what do you think?". It really annoys me. Or, my dad will be like... "Blah, blah...and you know mom just won't have that..." (sarcastically) I hate it.
-I wish they were divorced in Tennessee

Dear I wish,

I'm sorry to hear about this. :( It can be pretty rough when your parents are always fighting. But that doesn't necessarily mean they should get divorced. Remember, even people who love each other fight sometimes. (Just think of the last time you and your brother or sister got into a fight. You didn't really mean all those things you said, and in the end, you probably made up. The same goes for parents.) And just because your mom and dad fight doesn't mean they don't want to stay together. It's totally natural for people who live together and spend a lot of time with each other to sometimes disagree and lose their tempers.

However, your parents have gotten into two really bad habits. One is fighting in front of you (they should do it privately), and the other is forcing you to take sides against each other. That's absolutely not fair, and it's obviously making you feel very stressed.

My suggestion to you is, call a family meeting. Ask your parents if you three can sit down together for a serious talk when they both have time, such as after dinner one evening, when nobody is heading off to an outside activity. Talk to them about how you feel when they fight, and how hard it is to be asked to take sides, because you love them both equally. Be honest and tell them that sometimes when they are fighting, it gets so upsetting for you, that you even wish they would get a divorce. If you let them see how unhappy and tense their fighting makes you, they will probably try to change their behavior, or at least explain to you why they are disagreeing.

Many families find that famaily meetings are a really good way to cope with the issues that come up at home. They're a place where everyone can talk to each other about their opinions and feelings and try to come up with solutions to conflicts.

If things don't seem to go anywhere from that point, you could ask your parents to think about seeing a counselor, or going together with you to visit a family counselor or therapist to talk about the problems and get advice from a professional on how to deal with (and stop) the fighting in your family.