SHOULD SHE CHANGE TEAMS?

Dear Jellybean,

I know this isn't the typical question girls seem to ask these days, but I am in need of some advice. I am on a volleyball team where the girls are really sweet and nice. They usually don’t get mad at each other and they seem to get along just fine. Everything's cool except for one thing: They don't seem to be competitive. That for me is a HUGE problem. I am really competitive, to the point where I get a little overboard (I'm not screaming at them though). There seems to be only one girl on the team that seems competitive, but everyone else just doesn't seem like they want it as bad as I do. What should I do? Change teams? Deal with it until the seasons over? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
-Confused and Frustrated

Dear Confused and Frustrated,

Here's a fact that is true for many areas of life. If everyone around you is happy and you're the one who is miserable, it's usually you who needs to make a change, not them. Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being competitive. Without the competitive instinct, there would be no great athletes, or great anyones really - we'd all just sit around, talking supportively, not wanting to make anyone feel bad. It would make for pretty boring TV sports, right?

It sounds like you're a super-competitive person, who is really motivated to achieve, and is more concerned with athletic excellence and winning than being all "sweet and nice". You'd be a huge asset to a serious sports team that was aiming high. But that's not the team you're on now. Your team sounds like it's more about friendship and having fun than going for the gold.

If your team has a coach, you could talk to her/him about your issue, and ask whether you could do more drills and practices. Maybe you could even offer your services as a team leader, or assistant coach, if that interests you. But if everyone says they're happy with the way things are now, my suggestion is that you find another team that shares your competitive attitude.

Of course, the other option is for you to lighten up about the game, not take it so seriously, and just have fun with your friends on the team. But if you're competitive by nature, and I speak from experience, that may not be an option for you. As I said, there's not a thing wrong with being competitive. It's just crucial to choose your battles, and trying to make over the attitude of an entire team of people might not be the most achievable goal.